I’m hoping for some insight.  We are moving on from all of the infertility disappointments slowly.  We are both older, 45 and 50.  As we spent so much money on infertility, we decided to try the state foster to adopt system.  We felt most comfortable with infant through 6 years old or so.  After the classes and homestudy we were asked to be on the emergency-respite care list.  We were called for our first temporary foster child. He is a 12 year old boy in the 6th grade.  After listening to many horror stories during the classes, we feel he is doing very well, some hygiene issues, but very good natured, eats well and tries most everything.  His father died a year and a half ago, mother has many issues.  She is trying for reunification and they still have supervised visits.  He craves my husband’s attentions and they do lots of outside activities together.  He confines in me and is very nice to me….. but I know I am not the mom that he is still hoping for.  We have since been saving money again, and thought international adoption would be different.
  My question for people who have done this before and have gone on to adopt, is this what adoption will be like too?  Will I ever be the mom they are looking for or will they always want to “go home” to their mom?
Thank you for your help and understanding.

When you adopt internationally, there will be no “other” mom.  You will be it.  These children are usually in orphanages and crave having parents.  Our daughter was 2 when we brought her home.  I have been her mother since that time, almost 8 years ago.  We are currently in the process of adopting our 16 year old foster daughter.  I didn’t see that coming, but we feel in love with her and can never imagine her leaving our family.  She fills in the gap between our bio boys of 25 and 21 and our little girl, age 9.

I adopter 1.5 years old son. And now he is 14 years old. I told him that i’m not a real father and he understand. We living in harmony.

gydytojas echoskopuotojas

Many children, no matter how they are adopted, long for the birth mother. That doesn’t mean they don’t like the adopted mother just that they wonder….what does she look like? why did she place me? Does she think of me?
The degree to which this impacts an adoption depends on the child’s make up more or less. For some children adoption/birth mother issues are primary, for others not as much.

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