I am posting this under “common questions and fears” in hopes that I am truly in the norm by having these thoughts.
We decided on adoption years ago, but we have just submitted our home study packet so we aren’t that far along in the process at all, however, I’m having jitters.
I’m scared about the changes a child will bring to our lives…I’m sure this is common among even those people who have biological children.
My biggest concern is that I am fearing someday looking at my child and thinking “that’s not really my child”. I’m scared I’m going to compare my adoptive child to biological nieces and nephews and think that he/she is really NOT part of the family. I am scared of watching my child do something and thinking “he/she gets that from me…but not really because he/she isn’t mine.” I’m scared that the child won’t be good at sports and my husband always was and he will think “if that were really my child, he/she would be good at this”.
I totally suck for thinking these things, but I am hoping these are normal thoughts.
I have no doubt in my mind that we will love the child as our own as soon as he/she is placed with us. It is more that I’m worried about things that will occur down the road and I’ll always know in the back of my mind that this child really isn’t “mine” or “ours”.
Please tell me that I’m not alone here and that others have had these thoughts. I feel really horrible for thinking these things and need to know that I’m normal.