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The wait
Posted: 01 October 2009 12:24 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

Hi -

I’d like to hear from couples who have adopted through the US Foster System. My husband and I are currently working our way through the process and are waiting on approval of our home study. Any tips, lessons learned would be very appreciated. Thank you.

Posted: 01 October 2009 07:26 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2


My husband and I adopted through the US Foster system, twice!  The wait was not long for us.  Once our homestudy was compelte we got a call for a 2 month old baby boy in less than 8 months.  We heard it would be difficult to get a causcasian newborn, but 8 months was not a bad wait time.  We then put in our application for a girl and once the 2nd homestudy was complete, we got a call in 2 months for a 10 month old little girl.  We are very pleased with the social workers within our county.  There were a few that really went the extra mile to listen to us when we had concerns about the “process.”  As I’m sure you are aware there will always be risks.  You must be strong and just know that things will work out even if their are bumps in the “process.”  The end result is absolutely amazing and if I had to do it all over agian, I would in a heartbeat.  My son is now 3 and my daughter is now 2 and I could not imagine life without them.  They are wonderful children. If you have any specific questions, please feel free to ask.  I will help in any way I can.  I remember how nervous I was going through this the first time.  When no other people around you know what you are going through it can be tough.

Good luck!

Posted: 03 October 2009 04:46 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

You just have to remember that foster care is meant to be temporary, not permanent.  We are meant to work with birth families toward reunification and to be there as an adoptive home if that first plan doesn’t work out.  We fostered a newborn baby (from when he left the hospital after birth) until he was 3 1/2 months old and went to live with an uncle who lived in another state.  It’s really hard to say goodbye when they leave.  We are currently fostering a 2 year old who we’ve had since he was 6 months old.  We are hoping to get to adopt him, but you really just never know.

If you’re open to adopting older children, the wait is shorter and the process can be shorter.  Everything also depends on your state and the state’s budget and policies.

Posted: 09 October 2009 02:57 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2


My husband and I adopted two little girls through foster to adopt.  They were 4 & 6 (siblings) when they came home.  We still had visitation but chose a lower risk situation.  We had visitation by both birthparents and siblings for 4 mos after we brought our girls home.  There were some issues we faced, ie, appealing of the termination of rights by the birthfather, etc.  We were finally able to complete our adoption in July of this year.  Our experience was a bit different than most, as we have had friends who fostered for 6 mos and then finalized.  Every adoption is different, every situation is different.  It also depends on the type of risk situation you take on. Also we went through a foster to adopt agency and I would highly recommend going through an agency.  Good luck, I know the wait can be hard.

Posted: 14 October 2009 10:53 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

My husband and I are in the same situation as you. Our home study has been approved at least. That process took about two months.  We were notified of approval 2 weeks ago and have heard nothing since. I guess I’m being unrealistic expecting some contact this quickly. We are waiting to adopt a teenager so I’m hoping the wait will not be as long as some. The adoptive family groups offered in our state once a month are very helpful. They are definitely a dose of reality! I pray and trust that when the right child comes along that’s when we will be contacted. Good Luck

Posted: 15 October 2009 04:45 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

My husband and I adopted our first two children from foster care. I know when we were working to adopt, we were very clear that we wanted to foster children that were already freed for adoption. This worked for us as our social workers knew our intention. We were a young couple wanting to adopt a child (children) that were currently living in foster care awaiting a “forever family”. We started the process in November 1996 and by July 1997 our 5 yr old twins were with us.

This time around we became foster parents to just be that… foster parents. We had no plan to adopt. Things changed quickly and last month we finalized the adoption of our 3 yr old and 1 yr old.  This has been a fairly quick experience too!

I know that there are so many children waiting for a forever family. For whatever reason their birth family is unable to care for them and they are anxiously awaiting a family. Please check out the photolisting of all the children waiting for a forever family in your state. I watch the NYS photolisting on a regular basis just to keep it in the front of my mind all the children waiting to be adopted by their forever family. Best of luck!

Posted: 20 November 2009 11:51 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  5

I am not part of a couple, but I will soon be an adoptive Mom.  I was licensed in 2004 and have fostered from infants to teens, some for long periods and some on an emergency basis. It has always been a desire of mine to adopt a child.  I fell in love with a little boy on adopt us kids in 2006 , moved heaven earth to get him here. He is now in a residential treamnt center, and doing so so. Just by accident, a friend who is a foster parent in my state, but another county, told me her worker was repeatedly calling her about an infant, with the possibility of it being a pre-adoptive placement. My friend kept turning her down because she had already adopted two girls and did not want to adopt anymore. In conversation she mentioned it to me and I said I will take her, she was 2mo old at the time. She is now a beautiful 11mo whose 1st birthday is on Thanksgiving (how appropriate, she is a blessing to be thankful for)and on Nov. 12th the judge who handles her case ruled for adoption by non-relative. That would be me. I put myself out there for all to know I wanted to adopt, workers, their supervisors, friends, other foster parents and it worked. She should be legally mine by summer. It has been a journey not for the weak of faith or impatient, but if all roads led me to my daughter, I would not undo or trade this journey for anything.

Posted: 30 November 2009 10:26 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  4

I’ve been told by so many people this is the hardest part of the process.  We have submitted our homestudy on 6 different children, so far we haven’t been selected.  We are still waiting to hear about the sibling group we submitted on the end of October.  We aren’t looking for a newborn, we would just like the joy of raising a daughter (we have two sons).  We completed our homestudy on June 29th.

Posted: 08 December 2009 10:39 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

I agree with most of the posts.  This is the hardest part of the process.  My husband and I hope to adopt a sibling group and have been approved as adoptive parents, but are now waiting to see if the mother’s parental rights are terminated.  The children are toddlers and it is very difficult to see them and know that we may not be able to adopt.  It really is in the court’s hands.  If the adoption does not go through with these children, we will request to be considered for children who are free to be adopted.  Otherwise, the emotional highs and lows are too much!  Good luck to everyone.

Posted: 15 December 2009 06:51 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  4

Does anyone know the process (or be willing to tell the process) the caseworker goes through once they stop accepting home studies for a child/sibling group.  Maybe understanding this could help the families understand why it takes so long and be more patient.

Posted: 15 January 2010 07:03 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

Hello all-

I’m so glad to have found this forum. My husband and I completed all of our classes, paperwork and home study back on Sept. 24th 2008 with DCS. We have a 7 yr. old bio daughter and it has been our intention to adopt a little girl 12 and under from the foster care system. We were getting no calls and no help @ all from our DCS, so we switched to an agency in March of 2009.
They are so nice and we have had a couple of foster placements (which is more than we had w/dcs ) but the kids went to relatives. We have inquired on so many kids from adoptuskids, we have contacted recruiters from our state as well as surrounding states from the Dave Thomas foundation, and we are not one step closer to finding the little girl we are supposed to adopt.
It’s either they can’t leave their state, they have to be the youngest or only child in the home, there’s been sexual abuse to the child and/ or sexual acting out by the child (which we can’t accept), there’s been a family chosen, etc. The list goes on. My husband and I are so frustrated. We hear all these stats about how many kids are in the system waiting to be adopted..and here we are ready , willing and able and we can’t make it happen. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t just sit quietly and wait..hoping a call comes. I can unstand this process taking this long if we wanted an infant. But we’re open to an older child..I don’t know where else to turn. We’ve felt drawn to adopt..but I’m starting to wonder now if we’re not suppose to do this.
I would love opinions or feedback.
Congratulations to all of you who have your adopted children!

Posted: 09 April 2010 02:46 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  4

We went through our local social service agency (DSS) and our children were placed a day after our paperwork was submitted.  We expected a two-year wait or so and were a little less prepared than we’d hoped to be.  I don’t know how these decisions are made by caseworkers, but I do think that they make a lot of decisions based on their impressions of how well people will handle the placement.  I know other families who went through the same class that I did and who are waiting for children—and at the same time, the agency has needed families.  Rather than go to these new families with the opportunity to foster a child, I see them returning to foster families with whom they have a relationship (and who already have other children they have placed there before).  From the outside it would seem that the caseworkers are not going to place children with some families who have completed the class and all of the paperwork.  If it feels like an agency is not placing children with you, maybe speak with the placement workers to make sure that they know you and trust you.  Also, maybe offer to be a respite family while you wait so they can get to know you that way. Alternatively, you may want to find another agency and start over.

Posted: 28 July 2010 04:38 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

We adopted two children from foster care two years ago and felt that we still wanted to add to the family.  So, after the six month wait, we started the process again.  We have had an approved homestudy for over a year and are still waiting for a placement.  We completely understand all of your stress about the wait.  There are days that I am on pins and needles and days that I feel like it is hopeless.  I feel like a yoyo of feelings waiting to find out the status of each child we send our homestudy out for.  Now we are up for a staffing of a child and it is being rescheduled for the second time.  There are definitely times when you feel like it is never going to work out.  I am trying to be optomistic and hope for the best…I keep getting told that it will happen if it is meant to be.

Posted: 12 February 2014 09:00 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

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