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Starting to talk about adoption with your child
Posted: 04 November 2010 08:28 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

Hi Everyone,
We have a 3-1/2 year old daughter that we adopted here in the US…I think it is time to start inroducing the topic or at least get some good bookd to read. Is there any advice from anyone who has already started this process with your child?

Thank You

Posted: 05 November 2010 08:41 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112

Adoptive Families has published some articles on this very topic. 

Talking to Children about Adoption is full of advice for what is appropriate for your child’s age. 
There are useful tips on how to start the adoption conversation from experts.

One parent shared how they spoke of “tummy time” with their 3 year-old and her stuffed animals.

Another option would be to create a personal story book about your child’s adoption story.  That way all the details would be personal and age-appropriate.

Good luck to you!
Danielle Pennel
AFC Community Moderator

Posted: 14 December 2010 10:35 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  5

There is a great book that is relatively new that is wonderful.  Written by a birthmother for young children placed for adoption, it gives her perspectives on why she made an adoption plan with a strong emphasis on “you are loved and not forgotten”.  It is called The Best for You by Kelsey Stewart.  She also writes a blog which I’ve been following for about a year.  She is wonderful.  Her book can be found on Amazon.

The more you make adoption a part of your daily conversations with your child, the easier it gets.  My daughter is 6 and has known she was adopted from very early on.  We started including it in our conversations before she could even talk.  Best wishes!

Posted: 16 December 2010 09:04 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

I agree with “over40mom”.  The sooner you make it part of who they are, the more natural it is.  My boys, ages 5 and 3, respectively, were biologically born in Guatemala, and they both know that, but they also know they were both born in my heart.  They don’t have any concept of our family being able to be made any differently than it is.  They know they were both born in someone else’s “tummy”, but were born in my heart as their mother.  Neither of them really seem to think that it’s unusual—it’s just who we are and how God made our family.  Our oldest once asked the name of the lady who gave birth to him, and I told him, but he seemed completely unphased by it.  Time will tell, but we have always made sure we were as open as we could be with our boys in loving them for who they are, and making sure they know that they were always planned by God to be our sons…it just didn’t happen the way it does for many families.

Posted: 23 December 2010 08:50 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

Thank you for mentioning my book here! I sure appreciate the vote of confidence and your kind words…. Kelsey

Posted: 29 December 2010 11:35 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

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Posted: 31 December 2010 05:36 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  15

We have a baby book of course with all the keep sakes.  But more recently we put together the start of our four year old’s Life Book.  This is more specific about his thoughts and feelings on adoption.  There are many free pages you can add to a child’s Life Book.  Just google Life Book and Adoption and you will have so many to choose from.  From day one we told his story as we knew it so that we would be able to practice and be comfortable with telling his story.  In four years it has evolved and changed as we have tweaked it during each telling.  This allows for questions as well.  I love Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born.  It can lead into the night he was born.  A Mother for Choco is also very nice.  There really isn’t a limit to how many children’s books are available.  It is a matter of finding a book you like and think your child will also find interesting.  We also use the term adoption despite that developmentally will not technically get it until he is a little older.  Many parents mistakenly believe their child “gets it” when they really are just repeating what they have been told.  What is most important is that you begin to introduce and be comfortable with her adoption history.  One thing I do: I never start with me and my husband.  I start with him and his birth mother since it is HIS history - not ours.