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Curious what others did re: baby shower
Posted: 28 October 2010 07:39 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

Hi all,
We adopted a newborn almost 2 years ago now. She was our second baby (1st was biological) so we never grappled with the question of a baby shower. Now my sister is matched with an expectant mom and we want to have a shower. I know a lot of adoptive parents choose to wait until the baby is home to have the shower.  This will be my sisters first and probably only baby. It is something she has wanted to do for a long time and it has been a long journey, as I’m sure you all understand. She wants to be able to experience it fully including the excitement and anticipation of being a mom-to-be.  She knows the expectant mom could change her mind. But she still wants to have a shower. And I agree with her. Even when women are pregnant and have showers there is a chance that something could go wrong. Does having the shower make this harder? I kind of feel like shower or no shower, if the e-mom changes her mind it is going to be hard and my sister is going to grieve. Any thoughts? What did others do? Anyone have a shower before the baby came home? THanks for sharing your thoughts/experiences!


Posted: 29 October 2010 07:47 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112

I’ve led an adoption support group for about 5 years now so I’ve seen many couples over the years have adoption showers.  Most have one after the child is in their house, but there are still plenty who chose to have one during their “match.”  It really is whatever is comfortable for the prospective adoptive parents.

I, personally, had a shower from my co-workers while I was matched and then had my big family one after we had my baby home.  I wasn’t thrilled about the work one and just held onto all of the receipts.  But it was kinda nice having a baby shower beforehand like all the “fertiles” do!

Adoptive Families Magazine has asked their readers who adopted domestically what they did for their baby showers.  One article told about the different times people chose to have their baby/child showers, which sparked many comments.  Possibly, these resources can shed some light to your sister’s situation.

Good luck!

Danielle Pennel
AFC Community Moderator

Posted: 30 October 2010 08:38 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3

We had a baby shower while we were matched.  The e-mom ended up parenting (we were at the hospital when the baby was born).  We had to go home from the hospital empty handed and the first thing we saw when we got home was all the gift bags full of gifts for this baby (we didn’t unpack the gifts, we just left them in the bags).  Thankfully we were matched a month later and our daughter was born 2 weeks after that (the first baby was a girl as well).  We had another shower once she was home.  We just adopted our second daughter 2 months ago and we had my shower once we were home and settled. 

Good luck!

Posted: 02 November 2010 06:46 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

We had a shower before we were matched, so all the gifts were gender-neutral and work for whatever baby we (will eventually) bring home.  This way, we have our car seat in case of a short-notice match, and a few onesies and things to get us through the first days.  But none of the stuff is too emotionally-laden or tied to any one particular match for us.  I think it would be very difficult to pass by the nursery and see all these things if we’d been matched, and had the shower specifically for that match, and then the match had fallen through.  On days when the waiting is too much, I can just close the nursery door and ignore it all.  On days when I’m excited, I can go in and work at putting things away and clearing out that closet.

Posted: 12 November 2010 11:57 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  12


We were “matched” for 3 months before our son was born… we bought just enough to get us through the first month, just in case the match didn’t work out. Basically, some gender neutral clothing, newborn diapers, blankets, car seat and a pack n’play with bassinette coverter.

PARTY! Our friends and family threw our son a “Welcome Home Party” when he was 3 weeks old.  This not only gave folks time to schedule/plan the party, but we received really awesome gifts, completed our son’s wardrobe until he is 15 years old (just kidding, but it is alot), and scored seriously on diapers.

I promise it is just as much fun to receive gifts and to shop for them after they are born - as it would have been before… and the bonus is letting my son meet all the people that prayed for him and our family!

Posted: 20 November 2010 01:21 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

My husband and I are expecting a baby girl in January through an open, identified, domestic adoption.  We had our baby shower last weekend.  This is our first and most likely our only child, so we wanted to participate in all of the usual “parent-to-be” activities.  We had a blast and so did everyone in attendance.  I am SO glad we chose to have our adoption before our daughter got here, as we plan to limit the amount of new faces she sees for the first few months so that the bonding process is that much stronger.  If we had our shower after our daughter was brought home, everyone would obviously want to hold the baby and love on the baby and feed the baby and play with the baby.  We would prefer for 100% of the caregiving to come from either myself or my husband for the first 6 weeks or so to, again, create a stronger bonding process.  THe shower before our bundle of joy got here was the best option for us by a long shot!

Posted: 21 November 2010 11:53 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  14

We adopted our daughter in an open adoption, and were matched with her birthmother for about 3 months before she was born.  Both of our families gave us a baby shower, and we had them after she was born and was a couple of months old (so the most important part of the post-placement paperwork for the adoption was done).  For both of the showers, the family members who gave me the shower wanted the baby to come too, so she came with me (and daddy came, too)... they were both girls’ showers, but my husband came and took care of the baby so I could enjoy the showers.  It was fun having him there, and I’m glad that he was a part of our baby showers, too.  :)