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Posted: 22 November 2010 02:58 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  14

Hi! I can understand your concerns and fears about open adoption, it sounds scary. Although I understand that it might not be for everyone (as is the same with adoption), there are so many benefits to it, that once you think it through it really is the best option.

I think it is the healthiest form of adoption for the child (which is the most important factor to consider), but it really has benefits for everyone involved.  For your child, they can know more about their birthparents/birthfamily than in a closed adoption and that their adoption plan was made out of love for them (answering the question of why that many adoptees have)... and they grow up knowing that they were always loved, are still loved now, and always will be loved by both of their families (birth/adoptive).  It also helps the birthfamily to become more a normal part of their life (because every adopted child has both a birth family/adoptive family) and your child will not go through a potential reunion situation later on which can be very emotional for them.  Having the birthfamily in their life to some extent, I think can be a blessing to an adopted child… they feel loved by both of their families and have more people that care about them, and they have a connection to their biological roots/background.

For you (and your child), an open adoption lets your child know that their birthmother/birthparents chose you to be their parents, and adoption professionals say this helps adoptive parents with feeling entitled to parent, as well as I think is a positive thing for adoptees to know that both sets of parents were personally a part of their adoption plan.  For adoptive parents, birth parents can be a resource about medical history information, and are there to answer their child’s questions about their adoption plan and biological roots/background.  In an open adoption, the adoptive parents know the birthmother/birthparents (and that they chose them to be their child’s parents), and don’t have to feel anxiety about the unknown.  Also in an open adoption, having the birth family be a normal part of your child’s life (to some extent), takes away the potential drama and great emotions of a reunion, which can take over an adoptee’s life for several years.

I think birthmothers/birthparents can have more peace and joy in a open adoption… knowing how their child is doing and being able to have a relationship with them as they are growing up, (whether it is with letters, pictures, emails, phone calls, or visits).  There are probably more benefits to open adoption that I didn‘t share about, but you can see that there are many that I and others have mentioned.  I’m an adoptive mommy with open adoption, and also an adoptee from a closed adoption.  (When I was an adult my birthmother found me, and we’ve had a relationship now for 13 years.  The reunion was such an emotional time and was hard for me… it took me awhile to figure out where my birthfamily was supposed to fit into my life and what they were supposed to mean to me)  Now I’m glad to have my birthmother in my life, and feel that both of my families are blessings to me from God.  When my husband and I were wanting to adopt, we didn’t want an adoption that wasn’t open (as we felt that open adoption was the healthiest form of adoption), and have a caring relationship with our daughter’s birthmother/children.  Ours has been a pretty open adoption… we talk on the phone sometimes, exchange emails/pictures, and also have visits together every few months.  We’ve just started out so far (our daughter is only 22 months now) and will see how everything goes as time goes on, but we are all happy with our relationship and I’m hoping that it will be a blessing for everyone.  :) 

Hugs, Kris

Posted: 18 December 2010 10:46 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

thanks for the share guyssmilesmilesmile

Posted: 23 December 2010 08:00 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

Hi, we have an open adoption with both of our children’s birth families. Although an open adoption doesn’t work in every situation, we have been so blessed. We actually feel like we have been adopted by their birth families. We visit both families a couple of times or more every year. They are so grateful to be a part of their sons’, nephews’, grandchildren’s, great grandchildren’s lives. And we are grateful too. Hopefully, their birth families will always want to maintain contact so our children can have that connection and even ask questions as they grow older. If that connection is ever lost, I will feel like we have lost a part of our family.

Best of luck to you.


Posted: 28 December 2010 06:11 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

Initially I was not sure if open adoption would be something I wanted to consider, until my husband and I took an adoption class. We are so thankful that we were able to accept an open adoption. It requires facing fears and doing what is best for your child.
    Our daughter’s birth mother was 21 when she had her and she did not know she was pregnant until she went into labor. We had known her as a friend of a friend; she had our mutual friend call us when she was in labor to place her baby for adoption. Our daughter’s birth mother wanted a closed adoption but pictures once a year sent to her mother’s home. I told her that we would like to do an open adoption so that she could still see the baby and maintain contact. My husband and I believe this would be the best for our daughter and the birth mother. So far it has been a positive experience; our daughter’s birth mother has seen her once per month for the first three months but has stopped contacting us. We have remained friends on facebook so she can see pictures and contact us but she did not see our daughter this month. Our daughter’s biological maternal grandmother did come to see her this month and we were so happy that she is still wanting to stay in contact. We are hoping that contact resumes and our birth mother seeks counseling to deal with her feelings.

Posted: 11 January 2011 10:34 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  12

The agencies and attorneys we consulted only worked in “open” adoptions and wouldn’t accept adoptive parents that wanted fully closed adoptions.  In each case, the birthmother indicated what level of openness she desired - so we knew in advance of agreeing to the match.

Our open adoption is limited to phone calls between me (adoptive mom) and the birthmother.  I send her pictures of our son about 2 or 3 times a month.  I spoke to her frequently during her pregnancy, and was able to understand her need to KNOW that her son was safe, happy and flourishing in the home that she chose by choosing us.  In the first few weeks after our son’s birth I spoke to her several times a week.  It was HARD on ME.  It was great for HER. Now, 5 months later, I speak to her about twice a month, and more frequently we email.  This has been a positive turning point in her life so far, and I’m happy to hear of her successes.

I love this woman that chose us to raise her son - and learning to love the good and deal with bad has been a growth process for our family.  Knowing how much I love my son, I can’t deny her what amounts to tidbits about the child she loved and protected for 37 weeks.

I don’t know if any of us will have the desire to change the level of openness over time. We’ll take it as it comes…

Best wishes for a speedy match to your child,

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