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CONFUSED BY THE SYSTEM
Posted: 20 October 2010 08:01 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1
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I have adopted a beautiful baby boy.  He is two and has been with me since he was one.  I had his sister as well then some hearing came up and she was just carted off back to her old foster home.  I was confused because I was always told that the system always wants siblings to stay together if possible. My son has a heart condition and it is very serious; however he is doing wonderful.  If one saw him you would not even know he is sick.  the problem lies in the reason his sister was removed was because they didn’t want her to one day be devastated if something happens to him. My question was what if god forbid something happens to one of us or her foster parent,we will be getting the same results.  One would have to explain to her life and death,as we do with every child. I was angry to hear that at first because it sounds like he has already been thrown away and written off.  I finally got over it and we have moved on with our lives.  The problems lies in the fact that this person who has custody of the sister in now wanting them to have interaction.  So I asked what if something happens to him now, she can still be devastated.  I guess, I feel like the system treated him like he is not good enough to live with her.  Also, the guardian never made an attempt to let them bond until now.  Basically, because he has done wonderfully and they think he is okay.  I honestly, don’t want him to grow up thinking he was not good enough.  Because she ask the question all the time why they are not able to live together.  She is five and extremely smart.  I am just frustrated with a system I cannot change.  What I am saying is I am not willing to subject him to those thoughts or questions.  He is good enough and he is just like any other normal toddler (if there is a such thing as normal).  I ask the question if he gets sick, are we not going to allow gain the opportunity to see her they way they did the first time.  I am not will to put my baby through that.  In all honesty, I would just rather him get older then explain about sister and if he wants to find her thats fine.  But no one will make him feel less than.  My job is to protect him and thats exactly what I plan to do.The judge that ordered this, I will never understand.  And, I hope they can sleep at night because I can’t.  I seem to be the only one realizing this can’t be right.  I pray for some peace on this issue because I don’t want to do the wrong thing. After reading what do you think?

Posted: 26 October 2010 06:11 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112
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I am so sorry to read how difficult your situation is.  I can tell how frustrated you are.  And I can tell you love your son a ton and want the best for him. 

As for the situation with his sister, keep in mind that her distance from her brother has not been her choice.  I would think if she had the opportunity she would want to see him.  Probably the same could be said of your son.  It’s just unfortunate that their

It will obviously be difficult to tell your son his history.  I understand how you don’t want him to feel like he wasn’t good enough.  That can be a common fear with foster parents when talking with their children.

There is book titled, Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child by Betsy Keefer and Jayne E. Schooler, which addresses this difficult task.

Adoptive Families magazine has published an excerpt from this book to show a glimpse of how and why difficult topics should be addressed sooner rather than later in a child’s life.

I wish you the best of luck through this time.  Please keep posting here on AFC for additional support.  Remember that there is also an AFC
Group for Foster Parents which you can join, if you haven’t already.


Danielle Pennel
Community Moderator

Posted: 18 June 2014 03:36 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1
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I am also confused by the system, I will contact the Designer iPad Air Cases company and we can check the status.

Posted: 27 January 2016 12:40 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2
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I am so sorry to read this…

Posted: 16 September 2017 01:48 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3
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I am so sorry to read about all this.

Posted: 16 September 2017 06:53 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  9
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That may not be the reason she is not with him. Did they have the same birth dad? Perhaps someone in her birth family stepped up to care for her. Is she being adopted by foster parents? Perhaps she was already bonded to them and they didn’t want to move her for her sake and had nothing to do with you or your son.

I don’t know the reasons. Maybe she has special needs of her own (emotional, physical, intellectual) and it was felt to be too much for one family. I don’t know. Are visits going to be allowed?