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Extended birth family attempting contact
Posted: 21 August 2010 11:39 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  4

The birth father of our 18month old daughter recently died in car accident (less than a month ago).  We have since found out he did not tell his family about our daughter. (news to us)  They found out about her when they found her picture in his belongings.  Our daughter has 3 older full siblings.  The birth father’s mother and sister have contacted us by email to contact them regarding our daughter.  I am NOT concerned about custody challenges or anything similar.  I am just overwhelmed and not sure how to handle this.  They live in another state, so meeting in person won’t happen, at least not in the near future.  Although I want my daughter to know her birth family, especially her siblings, I am concerned about getting sucked into some other negative family dynamics that are happening regarding custody of the 3 siblings.

Posted: 22 August 2010 05:03 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3

In my personal opinion, I would be careful about letting extended family come into your child’s life at this time. It could be quite confusing as the child gets older and choices have to be made as to how much the extended family is part of you and your child’s life. Their son made the choice to not let them know about the child, and they will likely want to hold on to their son’s memory by having your child be part of their lives. Someday your child will grown up and be able to make that choice about contact, but I would say tread carefully. I have a biological son who was adopted by my husband. My son’s birth father died in a car accident, and I have never regretted making the choice for his birth father’s family to not be involved in his life. Now that my son is nearly 17, he is closer to making the choice for himself, but looking back (and knowing he has siblings) I would make that choice again in a heartbeat. I also have two other adopted children, and although I know my situation is different from yours, I felt I should tell you what I think. It is a hard choice either way, but I have no regrets.