i just wanted to thank everyone for their (continued) input. this is such a great place to be reminded that you’re not alone…that you’re not the only one out there feelin this way….whether it’s bein mad about the money or bein scared about the risk or bein elated to hold the baby in your arms (holdin out hope for this one!).

it’s been both interesting and encouraging to read others’ experiences and thoughts. i think we all find a way to make it through each step….and i believe it’s important to keep movin forward so as to not get stuck in one place. when the day comes for that sweet baby to be ours, i sure don’t want to resent her for the money trail behind us. i want to be free to love her, free to adore her, free to be at peace w/the sweetest gift we could ever be given. long before we began this adoption journey, i learned the painful lesson of ridding my heart of resentment and bitterness…both promise only to rob us of joy. findin a way to keep movin is worth every difficult question, every tear cried, every wave of grief.

i hope we can all be encouraged to keep on keepin on….that we can continue to spew our frustrations and struggles here, where we’re safe and understood…and to do so in order for our hearts to be free to take those babies into our arms, our homes, and our lives w/o regret.

Yes, the adoption process costs alot of money.  We didn’t buy our son but we did pay to help keep a roof over his birthmother’s head and healthy food in her body. We contributed money to help her get back on her feet.  We paid our attorney to match us to our son’s birthmother, and to complete the process the law requires. 

Consider that most people spend more money on weddings… or their cars… or fertility treatments…

While we are still trying to catch up financially from our adoption process… I NEVER think about the money when I hold my son, or when I get up at 3am to feed him, or when I take him to the doctor for his check-ups.

Best wishes for a happy life with your adopted child!

I just want to say something FOR adoption agencies . . . we adopted both of our children through Texas adoption agencies and for us . . . they were heaven sent!  I honestly could not imagine doing it any other way. Yes . . . they seem at times like they are only their for the birthmothers and that they may not care at all about the adoptive families except for $$$.  However, the agency provided the birthmother’s with counseling and support.  I felt comfort in knowing that our birthmothers were getting the counseling they needed.  Profiles were not shown until they feel positive that birthmothers are sure about their choice thus minimizing the chance for heartbreak in so called “failed adoptions”.  In that sense . . . the adoption agency was looking out for us . . . they didn’t want us to go through unnecessary heartbreak. 

I have friends who went the private route and watched them go through heartache after heartache when a birthmother chose to parent (which yes . . . that baby is and always will be hers until she signs those papers so it is OK for her to change her mind).  It broke my heart for my friends . . . but also verified in mine that I wanted to make sure that our birthmother had counseling and knew how to cope with all of the emotions.

Also . . . our agencies took care of all outside expenses . . . they dealt with the hospitals . . . and the lawyers!  Both of our domestic adoptions (one in 2004 and the other in March 2010)  cost less then $20,000.  With the adoption tax credit (of between 11,000 and 13,000) . . . well you can do the math . . . we paid probably less than most do when they go have biological children with all of their deductibles, maternity clothes, time off work etc. 

I understand that there are definitely some not great agencies out there . . . it is SO SO SO important to do research . . . talk to people who have used them and are in the process . . . we were just VERY blessed with our adoption agency’s so I wanted to share a “good” adoption agency story . . .  

May your adoption journey’s be SHORT!! 

Yes! I was originally going to do an international adoption and have switched to domestic. The fees are outrageous and I worry if I’m going to have enough. My family has been very generous and willing to help me, however I keep reading all these things about “hidden” fees. What really gets me is the birthmother expenses. How do I know that they aren’t just using me for my money? That really bothers me.

I am not advocating for, or against the fees charged for adoption.  I just want to raise some further talking points (and these are in no particular order, other than I have written them down as I have thought of them).

The prospective adoptive parents are the ones who pay the fees, but the agency (and here I mean any agency or attorney in the business of placing children) is working for the child and the birth mother.  Not the adoptive parent.  There is a fine line between agencies that are finding homes for children who need them, and agencies who are finding children for parents who want them, but there IS a difference in those situations in both the attitude of the agency and the attitude of the prospective parent.

Even agencies who are non-profit still have to pay their workers, their rent, and their utility bills and that money has to come from somewhere.

Women who are considering placing a child for adoption still have bills to pay and maybe other children to take care of. 

Everyone who is placing a child for adoption does NOT qualify for Medicaid. If you have a job making the minimum wage for 2011 ($9.15 per hour) and you work 40 hours per week for 52 weeks, you will earn $19,032 per year. Before taxes. Income tax, social security tax, Medicare tax and federal unemployment tax all have to be deducted from that amount. Employers seem to need to withhold 7.04% for SS tax (-$1,332), 1.74% for Medicare tax (-$331), and 3% for income tax (-$571) (I’m not an accountant of ANY SORT so this is just a rough guestimate based on what I read at the IRS site: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p15.pdf  The the FUTA tax rate is 6.2%. of the first $7,000, and, I don’t know about you, but that is getting to be too much math for me so let’s just skip that part). So you end up with somewhere around $16,798 per year take home.  That’s $323 a week.

The Florida Medicaid for Low-Income Families Income Limit Chart is an income of $180 for one person and $241 for a family of two.

There are ways to adopt quickly, and there are ways to adopt inexpensively, but in general there is no reliable way to adopt both quickly and inexpensively.

You could hire an adoption consultant (not a facilitator) who will be your advocate in the adoption process and who knows the various state laws regarding limits on birth mother expenses, the time allowed for the birth mother to change her mind about the adoption plan, and the law, if any, regarding the legal obligation of the birth mother to repay living expenses paid on her behalf.  You could do research and find out these things for yourself using a source like http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/

Once you know the states that have laws favorable to limiting adoption expenses, you can then look for an agency, attorney, or other adoption professional that operates within that state.

Again, let me just say I am not advocating the fees or arguing against them - I am simply raising some additional points for us to discuss.

Thanks for letting me vent but I have deleted most of my ranting and raving. Also to Jeanne,  I’m so sorry that you feel that way.  I have been meaning to say something for months now.  It is my sincere hope that my son never feels the way that you do.  He is the light of my world not to be compared to or traded for any amount of money.  I have always felt this a site to come to and vent or to discuss the realities and fine points of adoption.  Then when I sign off I can get back to the real world of parenthood with a smile and hug for my son.

oh wow Im learning so much from you guys you guys are great. my husband and I want to adopt from china ,he is in the military and we were told that military people couldnt adopt. the money is a big part and Im learning so much. can someone tell me wich agency is the best and if is true that we cant not adopt.