I am SO happy to read this post! I am experiencing similar feelings, though we are already deep into the adoption process and could get placed with our first baby any month now. To explain - My husband and I are partners through and through. We accepted his infertile diagnosis as “our” diagnosis. He was adamant about not using another guy’s parts, so to speak. He felt that he might not love the child as his own, might resent the child, etc. We have a house rule - if both of us aren’t on board when it comes to important decisions then the answer is No. Therefore we didn’t try for any IVF procedures, not even embryo adoption though we considered that (I could carry a child using neither of our parts).
So we moved on with adoption and feel destined to do so. Yet I am still a woman in my prime. I am healthy and able. My gyn reminds me of this and my body does too. Every month I know that I am ripe and ready to become pregnant. Also that biological clock thing is not a joke. Since turning 34, my body has been crazy and sending me messages that it’s time to do this. In my body symptoms when I ovulate - and in my mind - I’ve never felt more ready to become pregnant. So what to do?
My husband and I have discussed this many times over the past 2 years. He hates the topic and shuts it down. This is not typical behavior for him. It’s obvious to me that he has some extremely bad and sad feelings about being sterile - feelings that he doesn’t want to cope with, we’re adopting, done deal. I have asked him repeatedly to seek counseling and he feels that I’m trying to get him to change his mind. What I wish for him is to feel OK - not great, but just OK - about being sterile. To accept it so that he can feel happier. And if that opens his mind to other possibilities like donor sperm, great. Right now I feel like all the painful periods, tests, etc that I’ve gone through are all for nothing. That’s the worst feeling. And knowing that I am the picture of fertility health - that I’m wasting that… I feel fine about it sometimes and then sometimes I realize that I am likely to wake up one day and regret not trying donor sperm just once, feel resentment towards my husband for allowing him to make this decision for us. And that could be detrimental to our marriage.
Thanks for letting me vent, I literally just got off the phone with my husband so the timing couldn’t be better. Please respond, or anyone else out there - please post! This is a really tough situation and all of my other infertile friends are “undiagnosed” - they don’t know if it’s one or the other or both. I feel like in this case, having the knowledge that one is able and one is not is a bit of a curse. Please shed some light!