Thanks for your heartfelt comment, Eric. As a mom of 4 through adoption, I actually think it is SO great that you are feeling a desire to get clear and decisive BEFORE you become parents. Getting clear is not always an automatic process. At least it wasn’t for me. Especially before our first adoption. It can take a tiny bit of introspection.
Here is one concrete thing you could do to get clear: Take five minutes and write down or just ponder the following question: How much of this adoption is a ‘should,’ something you think you are expected to do but not necessarily something you really feel deeply passionate or excited about (as in, “I SHOULD want to do this. It’s normal to want to become a parent. Other people do it. It’s just what you do at this point. It’s too selfish not to have kids, etc. etc. etc.’).
Be really honest and don’t judge yourself either way. Then discuss with your partner and see what you both came up with. It’s a really effective way to find out if you both are inwardly totally committed to the process and truly excited about . Or if a lot of it is coming from external ‘should’ pressure.
Trust me, if you get clear on how you and your partner really feel about this, you will have a lot more energy and motivation for the road of adoption ahead of you. And I really believe clarity on the inside brings clarity on the outside, in terms of your adoption outcome.
Good luck and look forward to hearing the rest of your story…