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Recovering from an Adoption Loss
Posted: 09 July 2010 05:39 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  47

Blogger Sharon Van Epps shares how she continued to build a family, even after her first adoption fell through. How have you coped with an adoption loss?

Posted: 16 July 2010 06:46 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112

First of all, I read the story about your adoption struggles and my heat breaks for you.  What a terrible story for anyone to have gone through.  I’m extremely impressed you had the strength to adopt again. 

I am one of those people who say, it all worked out for the best after a failed adoption b/c I ended up adopting the children I have today.  But in my case I had not met the child.  I truly lost only the “idea” of adopting a “particular baby” (it was newborn adoption and the birth mother chose to parent while going through labor - I worked with her for the 2 months prior).  In my heart I knew I was not the mother - the potential birth mother was until the courts said otherwise.
In your situation, you met and fell in love with your child.  There was no other mother in the picture at that time.  You were told you would be adopting that child - of course you bonded with her.  I have a few friends who had possible international adoptions fall through after meeting a child in their birth country and their words are so similar to yours.  They will always miss that child.  It was more like a death of a child in that you always have that emptiness in your heart from that particular child’s smile, laugh and face.  No one else could fill it.  The same could be said for a parent who did have the horrible thing of a child dying.  None of their children afterwords would “replace” their child who died.  Just as none of your other children can replace or fix the hole left behind from your adoption loss.

Thank you for sharing these beautiful words.  I hope they bring others comfort.

Posted: 21 July 2010 10:45 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  30

Thanks, Danielle.

Sharon Van Epps

Posted: 22 July 2010 05:42 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  5

hi.  i just read your post.  THANK YOU for saying that the “everything happens for a reason” does not apply to you.  without going into great detail, we had a baby in our home for nearly 6 months when his mother took him back.  (it’s a long story involving her lying to us.)  no other baby will ever replace him.  growing up in the environment i know he is in is NOT what is best for him.  but we move on.  i also struggle with what of his to give to the next one and what to save as “his” so maybe i can find him when he is 18. 

anyway, just wanted to say i understand.

Posted: 24 July 2010 04:40 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  30

Thank you for taking time to share your response. I’m sorry that you had to go through such a painful experience. I do know how hard it is.

Sharon Van Epps