In November of 2009 my husband met a young lady that did not want her baby. The baby was due in the summer of 2010. For the next 8 months we talked to her regularly. Had lunch with her and her son and got to know her. As the time went by we began meeting with the lawyers and completing the homestudy. All the while I tried to get the Bmom to go to a counselor or see the attorneys, to get support. She declined and insisted she would not change her mind because she did not want ‘it’. In March we found out that the baby was a girl and decided to name her Camilla. In May my friends had a baby shower for me and on June 17th we headed to the hospital so the bmom could be induced. By this time we had become friends with the bmom and were the only support she had. None of her family came to the hospital to support her. I stayed with her in the room until the baby was born! For the next day and a half my husband and I stayed with her in the hospital while taking care of the baby in our room. The bmom insisted she did not want to see the baby. On saturday the bmom was discharged, then on sunday we were discharged with our new bundle of joy! We were beyond excited. We were never so happy to be deprived of sleep and changing stinky diapers. My husband and I have struggled with infertility for nearly 10 years.
On monday the bmom began texting us and telling us she couldn’t do it it was too hard, she needed to see the baby. Of course we let her see the baby, and tried to get her support. This continued for the next 2 days and by day 3 the bmom came to our house and took Camilla from us. I screamed like I have never screamed before, I felt pain like I never felt before. She was gone and I felt that I was too. So now I stay up all hours of the night until I can’t stay awake anymore, just so I will fall straight to sleep and not spend hours crying and thinking of her. She was mine for 5 days, the best days of my life. I am not whole without her.
How do I go on? Well, I am trying. Keeping myself busy, and talking to friends. I will go on but, she was mine for 5 days, she wasn’t just an imagined dream, she was here and she was real. I know her smell and her smile. I know her cry and I love her cry. She was real to me.