I know this is probably a common fear that has a million articles already written about it, but we can’t seem to get over it. We are terrified for our home-study appointment! We have a social worker that we love, and have just finished our foster care classes with the state. I have spent countless hours scrubbing down the house, setting up our nursery, and prepping our dogs for the children we hope to someday help. But no matter how many books I read, articles I highlight or calls to our agency, I can’t get the stress to stop. What if I forgot something from the inspection checklist? What if our dogs are too hyper for our inspector? What if the apartment is too small?  For any of you foster/adoptive parents out there, PLEASE share how you lived through the home-study experience! Any advice, both small and large, is appreciated.

Did you already have your home study?

I was also very stressed about our home study, but it really was a breeze. The social worker wanted to be sure our home was a healthy and safe environment for children.  That’s it!  They won’t be concerned with the style of your home, or how the pantry is organized.  If your dogs jump on people or threaten to bite… then that might be a problem.

Adoption is a stressful process, but if you’ve been open with your Social Worker and agency reps, then you should be informed about the possibilities.

The best advice we received when we began this process was to get use to “not having any control over the process”.  Pray, take a bubble bath, or go for a walk.  Once the Home Study is complete, then its just a matter of time… then time for relaxing will be gone!

Best wishes!

Thank you very much for your kind words and advice. Its reassuring to know (or at least hear it one more time!) that we aren’t the only ones that feel this way. We are still waiting for our home-study, as our agency has been very busy. In the mean time, I am still embracing my need to clean, clean, and clean some more. The practical part of me says that once a child is in our home, I won’t have time for it anymore. We will post updates as we go. Thanks again!

Hi,

I am a CAS, and work very hard to put myself in the shoes of the family that I am preparing a Home Study for.  Well before the home study first visit, I have already spent considerable time with the family in an adoptive workshop setting together with other adoptive families, both waiting to adopt and that have already adopted. 

One of the things I say to the family is that I don’t even own a pair of white gloves, and I can almost guarantee that my house is more dusty than theirs is because I live on a country dirt road, have a dog and a cat who both misbehave all the time, and 5 grandchildren.  We are just human type people like everyone else!

Sometimes, it is the fear of starting an unknown situation that is really the problem, rather than the home study itself.  The thought of sitting down in your own living room, with a relative stranger who is going to eventually know you inside and out can be very intimidating.  Also, trying to give truthful answers under such circumstances while being aware that everything you say will be noted can really make you unsure as what to say.

My best advice to you is to tell your social worker just how you feel.  There are things that she (or he) can do to help you work through your anxieties.  For one thing, talking to both of you together first rather than each one separately might help, and do the house environment thing last, not at the beginning. 

As I said above, I really think you are stressing out over the entire adoptive process itself, rather than just the home study. I hope this helps.

Hugs,

Beth