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“Divorced” from Birth Parents?
Posted: 30 June 2010 05:52 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112

In my blog I discuss how not having the openness which I had hoped for in my adoptions is having an effect on my children.  Has this happened to any of you with your adoptions?  Any tips or advice? If you are new to adoption, does this possibility surprise you?  Do you think that your relationship with the birth parents will always remain as open as it is around your child’s birth?

Posted: 12 July 2010 07:36 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

Thank you for sharing this.  Many days, I feel the same way.  My daughter is 5, and she has seen pictures of her birth mother, and even talked to her on the phone a few times.  However, the contact is sporadic at best.  Many times I will write or leave messages that go unanswered.  My dauther wants to know why she doesn’t hear from her more often, and I have no answers other than, “I don’t know.  I wish we would though, don’t you?  It’s hard when we miss someone and can’t get in touch with them.”  It’s a struggle for me to not get angry.  We both (her birth mother and I) agreed to open adoption, but I feel like only one of us is living up to our end of the deal.  Doesn’t she realize how hurtful it is when she doesn’t respond?  Can’t she take 5 minutes to make a quick phone call, or even drop a note in the mail?  I know the anger won’t help though.  I can’t allow myself to dwell in that emotion.  Instead, I hug my daughter a little tighter, assure her again how much her birthmother loves her, and say a prayer that maybe tomorrow will be the day she calls or writes.  And that this time, she’ll stick around for good!

Posted: 26 July 2010 05:03 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

This was a great writing with some very good questions that you have about your birth mother. I recently received almost the same question on my blog and I wrote a response that you may find interesting. I know that not all birth parents are the same, they can’t be. Everyone deals with seperation differently, but I did post my thoughts as I went through some rough patches as a mother who walks without her children. I am leaving a link to the post and would be more than happy to answer any questions or discuss any thoughts that you may have.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts…

Posted: 26 July 2010 10:49 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  28

Our children’s birth mother recently cut off contact and we are so sad about this. They are too young to understand right now (22 months & 9 months). We are hopeful that she is just having a rough time right now and will get back in touch with us again some day soon. In the meantime, we are in contact with her mother and with our children’s half siblings who live with their grandmother. We will also make certain that the agency always has current contact information in case she tries to contact us through them.

I fear that the closing of an open adoption happens more than the agencies advertise. And it happens from both sides—adoptive parents and birth parents. Meanwhile, it’s the children who ultimately suffer the most. And until they are older, it is completely outside of their control…

Posted: 11 August 2010 07:27 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

Thank you for sharing this post. I found it really added another facet to the reality of open adoptions and what adoptive parents need to prepare for if something like this should happen. You handled it beautifully, sensitively and realistically. You are a great mom!

All the best,

Ann (