We are going through an agency to adopt from the foster care system, we are seeking a girl (or two) between the ages of 4 and 10 (we have two biological boys).  I don’t know how many interest forms I have filled out and submitted! So far we have been 2nd choice for one child.  This process is frustrating! Our homestudy expires in August of 2011, I’m not sure if I want to renew it.  We were told from the beginning by several agencies that there were lots of little girls available in our age range, shouldn’t take more then 18 months!

We have also experienced some delay in our current search—and our agency workers suggested that the parameters we’ve put on the sort of child we’re looking for probably are the cause.  Could be the same in your situation, too.  So you can reconsider your choices of gender, age, race, number of children, and challenges the child faces… and you’ll find many more children that fit those new parameters.  But do you want that?  Will it suit your family?  Only you can know.  Something else to consider:  adopting outside your state.  Look at http://www.adoptUSkids.org to see photolistings of children all over the country.  Your agency probably prefers to arrange in-state adoptions, but you absolutely can adopt outside your state! If you have a current homestudy, then just register with the website… and take it from there.  Good luck!

We can only adopt from our state and one other without incurring additional fees.  But I am registered on the adoptuskids website and do look at it daily, maybe next year if nothing happens we will bite the bullet and go ahead with the additional fees.  Good luck with your search.

blueekb2, good post, and I would also add that the other advantage the bigger towns and cities have are the number of services. I am not a city person, but I would have to say that living near a major city has been an advantage for us in terms of the variety and quality of services that our boy can get.

I’m wondering about the fees you mention in adopting from your state’s foster care system.  There are no fees in our state!  (except to take the CPR classes and pay for the fingerprinting, etc. during the initial application process…).  And there’s no rule about which states we can adopt from.  Are you using an agency—or going directly to your county’s Child Protection Services?  Perhaps you might go directly to the county and see if the process is any different…

Best of luck!

You know, as I read some of the comments and suggestions on the foster to adopt forum my heart begins to ache with sadness. Do not go this route if you are not prepared, and expecting, challenging & “difficult” situations.  On one post a woman posts that after the honeymoon phase certain “problems” began to arise and she warns people of this.  Do you know what it does to a child when the parent regrets having a child placed when “problems arrise? They are human beings, not returnable merchandise.  You destroy any hope of the child evr feeling accepted and loved.  I will reiterate that my “suggestion” is that you SHOULD NOT GO THIS ROUTE IF YOU DO NOT HAVE DEEP, DEEP COMPASSION &  EMPATHY for these damaged, hurt children.  And they ALL have issues that may not be obvious for years to come. *You* have the power to make a difference in the future of these fragile children. *You* also have the power to destroy any chances of a bright future if you do not have the patience, understanding, and ability to a lifetime committment to these precious, special children.  If you want children who will act and think like you and your children, if ou have natural children, have your own or adopt an infant.  And if you adopt an infant, they too may have many challenges growing up.  Really think things through before you go this route.
With rspect & love,
A mother of several foster to adoption, special needs, children

Can you be honest with yourself and really search within yourself to make sure YOU have the qualities that these children need, and not just search for the “perfect” child for YOUR needs? *** It’s about helping the child, not helping your desires and needs.****

These are thoughtful posts.  Adopting from foster care was the route we took to adopt two daughters.  The first decade passed by in almost a perfect dream==the children bonded so well with our three birth children, and there truly were no problems.  But in her late teens buried memories were triggered for one of our daughters, and she has had many problems in the last year and a half.  These were not problems anyone could have foreseen… and they are very hard to deal with, and heartbreaking for her and for us.  Still, without enabling damaging behavior, we want to remain supportive, and we love her dearly.  We know that life never comes with guarantees for our children by birth OR by adoption, and anything might happen along the way to derail our best efforts—and THEIR best efforts.  Troubles can come from past trauma—but troubles might come in the form of health crises or accidents.  So we just have to persevere, trying to take every parenting challenge in stride, and sometimes that means letting go of our fantasy of the ‘perfect’ family or the ‘perfect’ child.  It ain’t easy!  But it’s what we all sign up for when we become parents:  we’re in this for the long run, and the path can be steep, and it can meander all over the place, and there can be dead ends.  But there are ‘scenic’ lookouts all along the way, and those are beautiful.