If you adopted a non Caucasian or non African American newborn, did people assume you adopted internationally?  Were you surprised by this?  Could you relate to how surprised I was when I got asked this question?

How about the question of what language my newborn spoke?  Have you heard that question, too?

More proof that many people do not think before they open their mouths.

“He only speaks baby.”

That’s funny, and had me laughing out loud!

Hi, I’m new to this community and was seeking information about adopting a Latino (hispanic) U.S. born child and stumbled across your article.  I am Latina, Mexican American, who is 4th Generation (my husband is 3rd Generation). So just as American as folks who came from Europe at the turn of the century and still proud and active in “my community”.  There are alot of us (cuz, you know a third of the U.S. was Mexico)...but like you with your child we are often asked, “Where are you from” and “Why don’t you speak Spanish” even though no one expects a 4th Generation Italian American to speak Italian.  Most of the time the questions are innocent and not offensive and is more indicative of the history of Mexicans in the U.S. not being well taught in the school system.  But once in awhile, it is done rudely or with assumptions lingering in a bubble above their head (Like, “Gee, I’m so surprised your English is so good.)

As I have looked around at adoption agencies I mostly see white families. I can probably count the number of Latino families, or one spouse being Latino on one hand.  So any utopian idea of non inter-racial adoption is unrealistic.  However, as a woman of color the concern is that non-racist, loving white families will still miss the boat in understanding the complexitity of their childrens experience in the U.S. Yes, love is blind, but our history of racism in this country is not based on love, cannot be defeated with just love, and still continues to create inequality of ones daily experience in the U.S.  I guess with this long rant of mine, I implore parents to educate yourself on the hard things, the things that make you uncomfortable, not just food, music and “culture”. There is a vast literature on the Mexican American experience in the U.S., there is also great work done about why White’s don’t “see” racism, that would open up new ways of understanding your childs experience.  I found your article so interesting, not because this surprised me, but because it surprised you.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect you to “get it”, but you need to get the nuances of this experience now that it has come to light. (Assumption that every Latino is Mexican and that every Mexican is immigrant and probably illegal) I wouldn’t assume that you are not doing this. I doubt you would write such a thoughtful article, if you had not been trying to learn as much as possible. But I thought you might find my perspective interesting too.

I’m not sure where our adoption journey will take us or the realities of seeking out a Latino child in the U.S. to adopt.  We’ll see…

My husband and I adopted two African American children and, believe it or not, we get asked the same questions all the time. The first question people ask us is: “where are they from?” Automatically people assume they are from Haiti or Ethiopia and are always surprised when we tell them they are from here. I don’t know why. Perhaps the high profile people who have adopted Black children from overseas have made this come to the forefront of people’s minds. I will tell you that often we have found a slight change in attitude. When people assume our children were adopted internationally they are curious and supportive (like we “saved” those poor orphans), but when they find out they are from here they are confused as to why we would choose to adopt “those” children when we could have adopted healthy, white infants. That attitude kills me.

The other question we have been asked (I’m not kidding) is if our children speak African (whatever language that is!), and this is when one was less than six months old and the other one less than two years old. What I love is that my first language is Spanish so my children are completely bilingual. You should see the expression on people’s faces when my kids start speaking Spanish. It is priceless!

I think it’s just that international adoption, until recently, was MUCH more common than domestic. I don’t even have a child yet and when I say I want to adopt the 1st thing I hear is, oh, what country? I am sure if my child didn’t look like me (i.e. caucasian) that would be the 1st guess, oh she adopted from another country. I live in NYC and people are VERY used to all kinds of blended families but I am sure if my child was african american they would not assume domestic. In fact if my child was caucasian and I told them I adopted they might think I adopted from Russia…........

Many people do not think before they open their mouths this is the truth.