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Oh, You’re Adopting? Now You’ll Get Pregnant
Posted: 20 April 2010 05:21 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  47
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In her new blog post Adopting Does Not Improve Your Fertility, Danielle Pennel addresses the common—and hurtful myth—that once you give up on fertility treatments and decide to adopt you’ll be able to conceive. Have you heard this saying? How does it make you feel?

Posted: 22 April 2010 07:52 PM   Ignore ]  
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Yes, I heard this quite a bit while we were waiting to adopt.  At the time, I felt a bit ruffled when someone would tell me “and now you’ll get pregnant!”.  As if adopting was somehow not good enough.  But I took a step back and realized that, for the most part, the commentators had good intentions.  These friends, and colleagues, and even family members just knew how much we wanted to have a baby, and, in their minds, pregnancy was the most common way of adding to a family.  I can’t really argue with the thought process that birthing a baby into a family is more common than adopting. 

And, now that I have unexpectedly become the cliche (our son is a year old, and I am due shortly with his little brother), I hear this even more.  “Oh, I knew that would happen!”  someone will tell me.  Really?  How could you possibly ‘know’ this would happen when it happens only 7% of the time?  While we were waiting to adopt, I think it was easier for me to brush off the comments than it is now.  Now, I can’t help but to take the comments personally.  As if our son was merely a lucky charm to help us get pregnant.  Of course, in reality, I firmly believe that the commentators do NOT mean that son#1 is somehow less of our child.  They’re just uneducated on the adoption process, (and I promptly correct them!)  But I certainly feel the comments deeper now then when we were waiting for the arrival of our first son.

Posted: 23 April 2010 12:27 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1
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Hi, yes i get that a lot.  my daughter is now 8 years old and we got her when she was a month old.  we don’t even think that she is adopted but every once in a while people will say “don’t worry, you will have your own child someday.”  Do they think that adoption makes you only half a parent,or that you can’t love this child because you did not give birth to her.  i don’t get it.  My husband tells me to avoid people like this. 

My daughter is the reason i smile and love life now.  if it wasn’t for her i don’t know how i would deal with all the negative comments.  just the other day my aunt told me that her daughter received a text message saying that i had a baby boy.  A short while later, she received another text saying that it was an April Fools joke.  I was devastated because I can’t believe people can be that cruel.  What makes it worse is that it was probably sent from someone i know.  I do not want to know who this is.  I will not be responsible for my actions. 

Do people honestly think that you feel nothing.  How do you get over negative comments like this?  I grieve for all that could have been and I thank God who is my strength every day.  As for my daughter, well, she is the reason i breathe.

Posted: 23 April 2010 04:23 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  40
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“Accidentally fill out paperwork..” I love that. You offered nice insight on a common expression. I think you’re right, people who say things like that, don’t mean anything by it, they often don’t know what to say. After we adopted a child, I was surprised to find people said things to me or asked things of me that seemed cliche or rude or merely inconsiderate of what I was dealing with at the time. Ultimately I realized most of us aren’t as familiar—or as comfortable—with adoption as childbirth. Posts like yours help us all understand.

Posted: 25 April 2010 09:05 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1
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Great post! I read; I laughed. And, like many other adoptive-moms-to be, I can relate.

In fact, in my own blog, ‘Pampers and Pakhlava’ (http://wanderlustandlipstick.com/blogs/pamperspakhlava/) I wrote about just this topic. Here’s the link to my post: http://wanderlustandlipstick.com/blogs/pamperspakhlava/2009/11/10/putting-all-my-eggs-in-one-basket/.

Posted: 25 April 2010 09:17 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1
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My mother-in-law told me, while my previous little girl was sitting on my lap, that if I was more relaxed and could finally get pregnant and have a child of my “own”. I looked right at her and told her my baby was “my own” and this is how God intended my family to be. I also told her I was the luckiest mother in the world to have been blessed with a precious little angel! Another comment I heard that sticks out in my mind was on the day after her adoption was final. I had someone ask me what it felt like to finally be a parent. I told them I was a parent even before I borught my baby home and was just waiting for MY child! I am so offended by ignorant people who believe it takes blood to make a family. I operate a daycare and see more love between me, my husband, and our daughter than in parents that walk in my door. I need ott ry to find a way to not be so offended! Any suggestions?

Posted: 28 April 2010 12:37 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1
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My husband and I are so excited to be almost finished with our home study and are very excited! However, it irks my chain when people (specifically extended family) always make this comment… as if we are “only” adopting so we can get pregnant. I want to give everyone who says that to us this article… but chances are they wouldn’t read it anyways.

Posted: 28 April 2010 08:06 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  4
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I guess people think it’s funny?  Or some people think they are expected to say SOMETHING, when just a “Congratulations” would do.  To me, it just detracts from the special nature of adoption.  To us, an adopted child is no less special or wanted than a biological child.  Sure, I know some people who have conceived naturally after adopting, but I know plenty more who haven’t!  It has been almost 2 years since we adopted our daughter, and I have still never been pregnant.  I don’t even know that I would want to be at this point!

 
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