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Adoption Disruptions & Second Chances
Posted: 07 December 2009 10:28 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  5
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I would like to get opinions on this topic.  Has anyone adopted a child that has already experienced an adoption disruption?  I have seen on photolisting websites several children that have had adoption disruptions, and are now trying to find homes for a second time.  Several of these children were formerly international adoptees, which are now in US foster care.  We have a child that we adopted from Russia in 2006, he is 5 years old, and for the past year we have been trying to add a second child to our family through state custody adoption.  We have yet to find a suitable match.  I would do another adoption from Russia, if it weren’t for the high cost and also the travel that is involved - we do not wan’t to incur that kind of debt, in addition to supporting 2 children.  I would consider a child that is Russian born that is now in US custody, but at the same time, I am weary of adoption disruptions.  I know what is involved in adopting a child, especially internationally and I can only imagine that the situation at home must be really bad in order for a parent to say “I can’t do this anymore”, and relinquish a child.  I suppose there could be a lot of reasons why someone would disrupt an adoption, and maybe all of them are not terrible.  Also every child is different, and some are more resilient than others and can overcome many things.  I would like to know what other people’s experience has been with this.

Debbie

Posted: 22 December 2009 06:49 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  4
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My adopted son from us foster care came to my home as a foster child whom had just disrupted an adoption placement. He was going through a lot, and had been moved from a 2 year foster placement to the adoptive home and he was scared/confused/ and did not want to be “loved” by another family. My home was chosen because I had his bio sister who is an adult now, but the county thought that may help. It didn’t…We had a rough 6 months but then we realized that if we didn’t make a life commitment to him, no one ever would. He gain power everytime he pushed someone away. But it was amazing, when he realized that nothing he could do would change our love for him, he stopped fighting it. His teacher made a comment that the rest of the week that we finalized his adoption he smiled so big, constantly all day, she thought his face would break.
The bottom line is, last year he wouldn’t have been an IDEAL child for any family, but now he is my son

Posted: 22 December 2009 04:17 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  5
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mandymichelle,

Great story!  Thank you for sharing it.  I wish many blessings for your wonderful family.

Debbie

Posted: 09 February 2012 10:48 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  9
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Several months ago we were about 5 weeks into visits with a sibling group with whom we’d been matched, but then we had to disrupt the process.  It was heartbreaking for us, and complicated.  We still mourn the loss of those children, and we worry about the further hurt to them that the disruption inevitably caused.  Still, that case is closed now, and we’ve had to accept that we will not parent those children.  It has been hard, but recently we have decided to go forward and look at new listings (fost/adopt).  We were surprised to find that the same month we began looking, a child for whom we had been one of two families being considered as a match (before we’d ever heard of the sibling group), whose caseworker chose the other family (to our sadness) is back in the listings.  The adoptive placement disrupted after 4 months (not finalized, but the child had moved into the home).  We’ve been asked whether we’re interested in this child again—and we are!  But we worry about the new damage to this child, and how it will affect her bonding with us, and settling in, etc.  My question to you all out there is:  have any of you adopted successfully after a disruption—either a disruption in which YOU pulled out, or in which the child had previously been matched to a different family?  I would be grateful to hear how things panned out!

Posted: 04 July 2012 03:23 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  9
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I have worked with many families who adopted a child who has had a previous adoption disruption, many international some domestic. Like all things adoption it depends. Obviously there were issues the question would be can your family help this particular child? You would need to get some information re what happened, diagnosis, what interventions the family tried, talk to past providers, maybe to the ex-family.

Obviously it can work. After all many adults have a divorce and a happy second marriage. I would investigate, get information and decide if the child is a good placement for your family. Only you can decide that and only decde after you get information.