Adoption Blogs

Photo Contests

Adoption Blog: Fostering Love

Why My Family Decided to Adopt from Foster Care

Posted by ForeverMommy to Fostering Love 7 years, 8 months ago | 9 Comments | Post a reply

When I was a teenager, a family friend described to me the love and the joy that he felt when his parents adopted his younger brother from Vietnam. Ever since that conversation, I knew that I wanted to experience that same kind of joy when I started my own family.

My husband and I agreed, before we were even engaged to be married, that our family would grow through adoption. After we were married and we started thinking about having children, we knew that it was time to consider all of our options and decide what kind of adoption would be best for us. We considered international adoption, private domestic adoption, and adoption through the U.S. foster care system.

My husband and I read several books about the different types of adoption and spent countless hours researching on the Internet, to make an informed decision. From The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption to the websites of dozens of adoption agencies, we discussed and detailed our findings, ultimately putting everything into a chart that presented the pros and cons of each type of adoption.

We considered factors such as the likely health of the child, the average cost of adoption, what kinds of risks we would be taking during the adoption process (such as a birthmom changing her mind), and whether an open adoption was possible. In the end, we decided that adopting through the U.S. foster care system was the best fit for us.

Every child deserves a forever home, and my husband and I wanted to help a child who had been given an especially rough start in life. Children enter the foster care system for many different reasons, and sometimes those reasons have dramatically impacted the child's health and/or development. My husband and I learned that, as potential adoptive parents, we could set boundaries as to what kinds of health concerns or developmental delays we would be willing to help a child deal with or overcome. The U.S. foster care system wants to find the best family for each child, and we felt good knowing that we would receive all of the medical, social, and family history information that was available about any potential adoptive matches.

Cost was an important factor in our decision, too. Unlike international adoption or private domestic adoption, when you adopt through the U.S. foster care system, there are no court fees, fees for your homestudy, or other fees to pay an agency. In our state, the adopted child even gets free in-state college tuition.

One year after pursuing approval to become adoptive parents through the foster system, we decided to become foster parents, as well. Ultimately, we realized that becoming foster parents would open the door to more adoptive matches, as the child's foster parents are the first people considered for adoption if the foster child has no suitable relatives.

We have currently been waiting more than four years to add to our family through adoption. Right now, we're waiting to find out whether the children we're fostering will become available for adoption or if the court will grant their mother more opportunities to complete her case plan. Waiting to adopt through the U.S. foster care system has been a long, slow process but I still believe that my husband and I made the right choice for our family.

9 Comments

Thanks for sharing your story! I hope and pray your wait to be parents won’t be too long!
Carol Lozier
http://www.forever-families.com

By carol7906 on Friday, July 27, 2012 at 5:50 pm.

We have adopted from the foster-care system and are in the process of doing so again. There are so many deserving children who want what every child wants/needs: a permanent home and someone to love them as only a parent can. We did not have to wait long at all because we were not focusing on infants/toddlers; our twins came to us at the age of 7, and our new sons are 15 and 17—in each case, we were finalizing the adoption after a a mere six-month waiting period.

By Buddha Lady on Friday, July 27, 2012 at 6:15 pm.

Thank you for your story! And thank you for your decision! US Foster adoption wasn’t the right fit for our family but sooooo many people make us feel bad about that that I didn’t even want to read your post…. but I’m glad I did and again a huge thanks to you!

By paintponyscout on Thursday, September 13, 2012 at 7:08 pm.

Thanks for a good article! We’ve also adopted from our state’s foster care system and hope to do so again. But I’m wondering what state you live in that pays for in-state college tuition? That’s wonderful!

By VintageMom on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm.

We have adopted from foster care as well twice! Going though round #3 very soon ! We live in Texas, where our children will receive free in state college tuition as well ! We previously adopted from California, sadly they don’t provide the tuition for our kids. Good luck on your journey, we have been growing our family for over 14 yrs now, so patience is definitely required for fost to adopt!

By xnavychic on Tuesday, October 30, 2012 at 7:27 am.

Thank you, friends!

VintageMom, I live in Florida. I am very thankful for the free in-state college tuition. One less thing to worry about in the future!

Buddha Lady, our home study was approved for children up to 8 years old. Not sure where you live, but it seems that here in Florida there is still a bit of a wait for elementary school aged kids. If my Husband and I had more parenting experience or were a little bit older, we would have considered pre-teens or teenagers. I’m sure we would have had a shorter wait, like you experienced in your situation. We will probably consider that in the future.

paintponyscout, I’m so sorry that anyone has tried to make you feel bad about how you chose to grow your family. I doubt that those people understand everything that goes into making a decision like this. You did what was right for your family, and that’s all that matters.

By ForeverMommy on Monday, November 19, 2012 at 10:20 pm.

Wow. Wondering on an update? I was in the system myself, and have five children adopted thru foster care. I know both sides. It’s amazing hearing about people who see foster children as they are, gifts, and speak up for them.

By Momto10 on Monday, August 25, 2014 at 10:30 am.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. We adopted our daughters through the US foster care system. Our girls came from some very difficult circumstances and of course this scares me every day, but my daughters are absolutely amazing and they have been the greatest blessings that I have ever received. One thing that I find unfortunate is the common misconceptions and stigmas attached to children in the foster care system. When we adopted our kids, lots of family and friends thought we were crazy. They were scared for us believing that our lives would be impacted in negative ways because of the “issues” that would come with our children’s experiences. While every day has certainly not been easy (whose is?) our children have shown us an amazing resiliency and have proved over and over that the human spirit can overcome difficulties and still thrive. While our continuing journey has been a long and often difficult one, I would never change one thing. It has absolutely made our lives complete and there is nothing else in the world like it.

By luckydad on Tuesday, August 26, 2014 at 2:32 pm.

ForeverMommy, we adopted first in California and then Ohio. As I said, our twins, who came to us when we were fostering in CA, were only six, and we adopted six months later when they had just turned 7. California has a HUGE amount of children waiting for permanency and I don’t know anyone there who had to wait any longer than we did, and some of them adopted infants and toddlers. Your point about experience is well-taken; my husband and I had already each raised bio-kids with our previous spouses, so adopting teens actually works with both our ages and levels of parenting experience.

By Buddha Lady on Tuesday, August 26, 2014 at 5:41 pm.