Waiting… Again

My husband and I are awaiting a match for a domestic newborn adoption. Like many other potential adoptive parents, we don’t know how long this could take. However, we have been here before. Our adoption application was approved to seek a birth parent match 8 months ago, and we were selected by a potential birth mother only 4 months after that. However, she changed her mind when she delivered and decided to parent her baby.

Now that we’ve gone through a wait before, and lived a few months expecting to be parents very soon, this wait seems different. We are already more prepared to receive a newborn baby than we were the first time, including having car seats, a bassinet and other baby items in our home. However, since we live in a small apartment, we’ve stored many of the baby gear items in the closet in the future baby’s room and at my in-law’s house. The failed adoption made it difficult to see those things daily with no baby using them.

Perspective is a wonderful thing. We know there is a baby out there for us, and that first one wasn’t the child, though we had convinced ourselves he was while we awaited his birth. It is only a matter of time—could be weeks, or it could be months—and we will be parents. When adoptive parents get to this stage, the anxiety and the nerves can really get the best of them. One thing I believe we gained in our recent experience was an understanding of how things can turn out. We are very excited, and we also have a better ability to be patient this time around.

There are things that are helping us now. First of all, having had the failed adoption is an experience I don’t wish on any adoptive parent, but going through it together with my husband of 16 years taught us the ‘worst case scenario’ that many dread during this process. Don’t get me wrong, it was terribly sad and an extreme disappointment to not have the baby we thought we would be welcoming home this summer. Something tells us now that things happen for a reason, and we have an easier time waiting for the “right baby” to come along now.

I am writing these blogs for several reasons. The writing is a good way to vent the emotions in a therapeutic setting, and also tells a story a number of us face, and the way we all deal with it unifies us as we move forward in the process. I am grateful for those who post their comments and feedback, as they feel like my friends and sisters of adoptive parenting issues.

In addition, I’ve got a temporary job. Having been laid off during our previous wait added a level of stress that made me even more anxious. I am grateful to have things to focus on during the work week, and I am doing my best to stay positive that our baby will be coming along soon enough to complete our family.