Photo Contests

Sibling Smiles Photo Contest
Adoptive Families 2020 Sibling Smiles Photo Contest
Share your photos of siblings sharing a sweet or playful moment!

Summer Memories Photo Contest
2019 Summer Memories Photo Contest Winners
Meet the winner, Apollo, and the finalists.

Mommy Moments Photo Contest
2019 Mommy Moments Photo Contest Winners
Meet the winners, Christiana, Callie, and their mom, and the finalists.

Daddy Moments Photo Contest
2019 Daddy Moments Photo Contest Winners
Meet the winners, Christopher and his dad, and the finalists.

Kids and Pets Photo Contest
2019 Kids and Pets Fun Photo Contest Winners
Meet the winner, Kathryn, and her dog, Buddy, and the finalists.

Adoption Blog: The Yin and the Yang

To Find the Birth Parents, or Not
Filed Under:



One day my daughter Hanna asks about finding her birth mother, and the next afternoon I receive an e-mail about birth parent searches in the Chinese province where she was born. Sitting in the car line waiting to pick up Hanna from kindergarten, I stare at the message on my cell phone. My heart picks up its pace. Maybe I should do a birth parent search? Suddenly it’s hard to breathe.

While I am all for the magic of coincidence, and I always said I would help Hanna search for her birth family if she wished, I had thought this would be way in the future. In that “someday” future, Hanna and I are both gracious and calm, finding out good information about wonderful people.

Here, in my idling minivan, I take shallow, graceless breaths. What if we find out something we wish we never knew? We cannot forget. What if her family is no longer alive? She will feel this loss. What if they gave her away for reasons that will be hard for her to understand? What if they never wanted her to go at all? What if they want a relationship with Hanna now? What if they want her back?

At this last thought, the air gets scarce. As a mother, I could not keep another mother from her child. But I am also Hanna’s mom, and I could never let her go.

In the realm of destiny and hope, Hanna is mine, as if she were made for me out of Chinese genes and stardust, and Hanna is exactly where she is meant to be. In reality, it’s more complicated.

Hanna has been talking more about her birth mother lately. She asks questions I don’t always know how to answer. I try to be honest and willing to listen. Beyond that, it’s hard to know what’s best. Searching for her birth family might be a way to get Hanna some real answers. But, oh boy, what those answers could be. Hanna is six. Much of her conversation is couched in fantasy. For her, going to China and meeting her birthmother is like a movie we could go see and then come home.

I, on the other hand, think of all the places we could go, with no way of returning.

Once again, I do not have the right answers. I could initiate a search. Even though the chances of finding Hanna’s birth family may be slim, there’s no turning back from what we might learn.

Balancing logic and emotion over the next days, I conclude Hanna should get to say whether she seeks out her Chinese family, or not. But, not yet. Hanna needs to be old enough to understand what she is searching for and whatever she may find.

Hanna’s birth mother and I have made our choices.

The next choice is Hanna’s.

Answering Tough Adoption Questions

 


Related Posts on AdoptiveFamiliesCircle

Archived Comments
We have recently changed our commenting system to improve the experience for our users. 4 Archived Comments may be found here.
Please post new comments below.

0 Comments

No comments have been posted yet. Be the first!

Post a Comment

{headline}

Commenting is available to registered members only. Please log in or create an account.

Meet the Author

Stacy Clark

Stacy Clark

Florida

I have recently adopted or am adopting from...
China

View Profile »


NATIONAL ADOPTION DIRECTORY


Find an Adoption Agency

Find an Adoption Attorney or Agency



Search the full directory ►




Recent Adoption Blog Comments