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Adoption Blog: Inconceivable Family

The Importance of Family
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It’s that time of year again.  The tree is decorated, the Christmas lights come on at 4pm and the gifts are stashed upstairs waiting to be wrapped.  I’m in good shape as far as my planning for the season.  In thinking about holiday cards I have my list prepared and some have already gone out.  Other cards are awaiting their needed addresses.  I love this holiday, not just for the excitement in the air, but because there is something about the crunch of snow under the tires of our car that makes me think about how important our family is.  When I was younger, it was often during a drive in the cold to look at holiday lights that my mom would remind my sister and I of the people who did not have a warm car to drive in, nor did they have the security of a home to return to. 

Since our adoption of Anna there is something else to that idea of family that catches me once in a while.  While filling out my holiday card list there is the added name of our very extended family; Anna’s biological sibling who was also adopted.  The uniqueness of this situation does not fall on deaf ears.  Thanks to the concept of open adoption, so many adoptees will learn of their birth mothers and fathers, but often the biological siblings get lost in the story.  Sometimes there are none to speak of and other times they are either adopted to people who would like to keep that aspect closed, or they are raised by the birth parents in a complicated set of circumstances. Either way I hear much about that bond between the first parents and the baby, but I rarely read of the siblings.  As a sister myself, I will say that the bond between my sister and me is one that reaches deeper than even that between our parents.

When we first learned of Anna there was one over-riding stipulation to her adoption that all parties felt was crucial.  Anna needed to know of any biological siblings.  Fortunately for us, the adoptive parents to one of her siblings has become very dear friends to us.  It was during the crucial days of Anna’s stay in the NICU that I called upon the other mom for support and reassurance.  It was that mom who was able to talk me off a ledge of fear and uncertainty.  Since then, we have come to share stories, pictures, and share in emails on a regular basis.  Initially this was done for the benefit of our children and to uphold a promise to them that they would have access to each other when/if they needed it.  But somewhere along the way, it has been us moms that have needed and wanted the access.  I would consider her to be a part of our family in much the same way as I consider her child to be Anna’s sibling.  We have never met, and yet we share a bond that is stronger than our similar circumstances could have predicted.  Often I wonder if our children will one day feel the same way.  Maybe they won’t consider each other as siblings, but close friends as their moms are.  At least we will give them the opportunity to make that decision for themselves.

Adoption can be so incredibly complicated.  It can be a raving success or it can be a nightmare of unforeseen issues.  Adoption can simply stop at being a method to building a family or it can be something that shapes futures.  For us, the adoption of Anna gave us the gift of friendship, family, and support.  It is OUR family tree, not HER family tree has been extended in ways that I would never had dreamed.  Not only does it create opportunities to share a beautiful story, but it also increases the number or holiday cards to write!


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2 Comments

My husband and I are in the process of adopting 2 toddlers from foster care. We are 3 months away from finalization. the children are adjusting nicely but of course, like any siblings, there are rough patches. Our almost-2-year-old son is in a hitting phase. One day our daughter yelled from the other room “Jayden hit me!” I said I didn’t see it so I couldn’t punish him. She came out to the computer desk where I was working and pretended to read from the phone book using her finger as a guide like Daddy does when he reads her a story. According to my daughter, the phone book said, “Jayden no hit. He have to sit in time out and stay there all day.”

By mom_at_last on Friday, May 13, 2011 at 6:09 pm.

Oops. I thought I was commenting on the “No Biking in the House Without a Helmet” give-away…..

By mom_at_last on Friday, May 13, 2011 at 6:11 pm.

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Meet the Author

Jenna Nadeau

Jenna Nadeau

New Hampshire

I have recently adopted or am adopting from...
U.S. Newborn

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