Same Birth Mother, Vastly Different Feelings About Adoption
I am a birthmother who gave my newborn daughter in a closed adoption in 1964. Gaby wrote: “She is a compassionate little soul who worries…...
Inspired by Six-Word Memoirs and the book series The Best Advice in Six Words, by Larry Smith, I thought it would be interesting, inspiring, and all around great to solicit six words about adoption.
There is so much to say about adoption, of course, and with so many perspectives, is it really possible to distill such complexity into snackable bites of advice/opinion/lessons-learned? In a word—yes. Here’s what came to mind for me…
“Legal” doesn’t automatically equate to “ethical.”
Adoptive parenting comes with great responsibility.
And here’s what others in the adoption community had to say (as well as how they self identified)…
My grief will never end. Ever. —Birth mother
Start lifting weights, babies are heavy. (Not adoption specific, just good advice.) —Adoptive mom
Openness isn't always respected like promised. —Birth mom
Your joy is someone else's sorrow. —Adoptive mom
Adoptee feelings can change over time. —Adoptee
Adoption feelings aren't "issues”; they're normal. —Adoptee
Adoption is bittersweet for everyone involved. —Adoptee
Reunion isn’t always a happy ending. —Adoptive mom
Adoptees should not be placed in boxes. —Adoptee
Each individual has their unique story. —Member of the adoption constellation
No two adoptions are ever identical. —Member of the adoption constellation
Tell everyone. You just never know. —Adoptive mom, to prospective adoptive parents
Be willing to listen and learn. —Mom blessed by adoption
It's about your child, not you. —Mom blessed by adoption
My child's story is his business (not yours). —Mom blessed by adoption
Open adoption is the best option. —Adoptee (10-year old)
Please stop telling me I'm lucky. —Adoptee
Open adoption requires commitment; like marriage. —Adoptive mama
You are stronger than you know. —Adoptive mom
Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. —Adoptive mom
My beginning is not my future. (I was the result of a drunken one night stand, from what I’m told.) —Adoptee
I am not my birth parents. —Adoptee
Adoption is beautiful, sorrowful, heart breaking. —Adoptee
Don't do a closed adoption. —Adoptee
Reunions don't always happen. —Adoptee
What advice, wisdom, or lesson have you learned about adoption—what’s your six? Please add in the comments below.
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