Open Adoption, Open Mind

Nine years ago my life changed forever when my daughters were placed in my arms for the first time.

It had changed forever the day before that, too, when our adoption social worker called with the news that we'd been chosen to parent nine-week-old twins. And that we had to bring them home the next morning.

It had changed forever nine months before that, too, when we made the decision to pursue domestic adoption after years of infertility.

And it had changed forever two years before that, when surgery intended to promote fertility put me into a sudden and surprise menopause.

None of us really knows how and when our lives are going to change. Or why it happens. But our open adoption has taught me that life is more about the quiet moments of reflection and decision than those sudden, life-changing events.

Nine years ago I expected a relationship with my daughters' birthmother, yet, over the years, we have forged a lovely and caring relationship with their birthfather.

Nine years ago I thought that my children would wholly accept or reject their adoptive status, while instead it has been fluid -- some days they like being adopted, some days they don't like it, and some days they don't even believe it. Most days they don't agree about it.

The choices and changes happen daily, and daily we respond to them. Always with an open mind, and usually with humor.

Through all the changes and managed expectations of the past nine years, one thing has remained the same. I don't love these girls as if they were my own. I love them because they are my own. It's that belief that has helped us stay open and embrace all of the changes open adoption has thrown our way.

In the future, I'll blog about some of the issues that come up that surprise me or annoy me or make me laugh, as we continue to navigate parenting twins, open adoption, and life, in general.

Related Posts on AdoptiveFamiliesCircle

• Reflections on My Daughter’s Second Birthday
• Interview with Lucky Bastard Filmmaker and Adoptee, Elijah Thomas
• Moments of Sadness Brought Me Closer to My Child’s Birth Parents