What's Your Open Adoption Truth?
Barbara, Like Sadie, I feel like an ambassador for open adoption. My husband Jeff was adopted in 1963 and we adopted a domestic newborn in…...
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Share all your shots that capture the seasonal spirit!
School Days Photo Contest
Meet the winner, Maya (8, India), and the finalists.
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Meet the winner, Bruno (4, U.S.) and the finalists.
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Meet the winners, Halle, Payton, Sofia, and Parker, and the finalists.
Adoption Blog: Double Vision
Open Adoption, Open Mind
Filed Under: Domestic Adoption, Open Adoption
Nine years ago my life changed forever when my daughters were placed in my arms for the first time.
It had changed forever the day before that, too, when our adoption social worker called with the news that we'd been chosen to parent nine-week-old twins. And that we had to bring them home the next morning.
It had changed forever nine months before that, too, when we made the decision to pursue domestic adoption after years of infertility.
And it had changed forever two years before that, when surgery intended to promote fertility put me into a sudden and surprise menopause.
None of us really knows how and when our lives are going to change. Or why it happens. But our open adoption has taught me that life is more about the quiet moments of reflection and decision than those sudden, life-changing events.
Nine years ago I expected a relationship with my daughters' birthmother, yet, over the years, we have forged a lovely and caring relationship with their birthfather.
Nine years ago I thought that my children would wholly accept or reject their adoptive status, while instead it has been fluid -- some days they like being adopted, some days they don't like it, and some days they don't even believe it. Most days they don't agree about it.
The choices and changes happen daily, and daily we respond to them. Always with an open mind, and usually with humor.
Through all the changes and managed expectations of the past nine years, one thing has remained the same. I don't love these girls as if they were my own. I love them because they are my own. It's that belief that has helped us stay open and embrace all of the changes open adoption has thrown our way.
In the future, I'll blog about some of the issues that come up that surprise me or annoy me or make me laugh, as we continue to navigate parenting twins, open adoption, and life, in general.
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Meet the Author
TracyRaz
Pottstown, PennsylvaniaI have recently adopted or am adopting from...
U.S. Newborn
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6 Comments
Beautifully written! So true about the fluidity of the feelings on adoption—and yes, my children, too, do not always have the same feelings as their siblings about their adoption.
Welcome, Tracy! My daughter turned three in February, so I am very much looking forward to learning from your and your children’s wisdom.
Welcome, Tracy! I’m looking forward to reading more about your twins, their birthfather, and your family’s journey.
Tracy,
I’m looking forward to your future posts.
We too have a long developed unique open adoption circumstance formed over 5 years. It’s a road nearly indescribable, and I often find my self unable to clearly answer questions about it when people ask, funny though, because I am generally well spoken and love to talk
I enjoy hearing honesty from other parents who are able to share thier children with others who love them.
Welcome, Tracy! We have a closed adoption by birth mom’s choice and it is harder on me than anyone else at this point (my kids are still little). In fact, my next post that is coming out tomorrow deals with just that! I look forward to reading about your experiences.
Wow! Birth father! Bravo! ! !