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Adoption Blog: Double Vision

Open Adoption, Open Mind

Nine years ago my life changed forever when my daughters were placed in my arms for the first time.

It had changed forever the day before that, too, when our adoption social worker called with the news that we'd been chosen to parent nine-week-old twins. And that we had to bring them home the next morning.

It had changed forever nine months before that, too, when we made the decision to pursue domestic adoption after years of infertility.

And it had changed forever two years before that, when surgery intended to promote fertility put me into a sudden and surprise menopause.

None of us really knows how and when our lives are going to change. Or why it happens. But our open adoption has taught me that life is more about the quiet moments of reflection and decision than those sudden, life-changing events.

Nine years ago I expected a relationship with my daughters' birthmother, yet, over the years, we have forged a lovely and caring relationship with their birthfather.

Nine years ago I thought that my children would wholly accept or reject their adoptive status, while instead it has been fluid -- some days they like being adopted, some days they don't like it, and some days they don't even believe it. Most days they don't agree about it.

The choices and changes happen daily, and daily we respond to them. Always with an open mind, and usually with humor.

Through all the changes and managed expectations of the past nine years, one thing has remained the same. I don't love these girls as if they were my own. I love them because they are my own. It's that belief that has helped us stay open and embrace all of the changes open adoption has thrown our way.

In the future, I'll blog about some of the issues that come up that surprise me or annoy me or make me laugh, as we continue to navigate parenting twins, open adoption, and life, in general.

Related Posts on AdoptiveFamiliesCircle


Beautifully written!  So true about the fluidity of the feelings on adoption—and yes, my children, too, do not always have the same feelings as their siblings about their adoption.

By vdveen on Friday, April 20, 2012 at 9:44 pm.

Welcome, Tracy! My daughter turned three in February, so I am very much looking forward to learning from your and your children’s wisdom.

By Barbara Herel on Friday, April 20, 2012 at 10:14 pm.

Welcome, Tracy! I’m looking forward to reading more about your twins, their birthfather, and your family’s journey.

By Eve on Friday, April 20, 2012 at 11:11 pm.

I’m looking forward to your future posts.

We too have a long developed unique open adoption circumstance formed over 5 years. It’s a road nearly indescribable, and I often find my self unable to clearly answer questions about it when people ask, funny though, because I am generally well spoken and love to talk wink

I enjoy hearing honesty from other parents who are able to share thier children with others who love them.

By mandymichelle on Monday, April 30, 2012 at 12:39 am.

Welcome, Tracy! We have a closed adoption by birth mom’s choice and it is harder on me than anyone else at this point (my kids are still little). In fact, my next post that is coming out tomorrow deals with just that! I look forward to reading about your experiences.

By Gaby on Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 4:44 pm.

Wow!  Birth father!  Bravo! ! !

By Brad, co-author of Songs of My Families on Tuesday, August 14, 2012 at 11:59 pm.

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Pottstown, Pennsylvania

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