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Adoption Blog: Our Family Grows With Love

“Adopted Means Important!”



It had been one of those days. Nothing horribly dramatic had happened, but several little annoyances piled up so that, by the end of the day, I was ready to scream.
 
I rushed through my morning routine as quickly as I could, and out the door to the garage. That's when I realized I had forgotten it was trash collection day. This wouldn't matter, but for the fact that there is only tiny window of time in which I can back out of our garage and get down the alley to the street before being blocked in by the garbage truck. I didn't make that window, so I had to wait it out.
 
When I got to work, the fun times continued to roll. Everything was taking twice as long as it should, and it felt like everything I touched turned out wrong. I was swamped with work, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I couldn't wait for the end of the day. When it finally arrived, I missed that second magic window and had to stop behind every school bus in Ohio on the way to pick up my son at his day care.
 
Once my son and I were finally on our way home, he asked if we could stop at the store so he could buy a book. I desperately did not want to stop at the store, but that's when I remembered that I had planned to go there on my lunch break for a few necessary items. A meeting that ran over had eaten up that time, so we had to stop.
 
We quickly moved through the store and I grabbed the few items I needed. We stopped at the book section for Max to pick something out. He chose a Batman book, and his nose was buried in it as we made our way to the front to pay. As we waited in line, the cashier started making small talk with the family in front of us. As they chatted, the boy started to pick on his sister. The cashier asked the girl if her brother picked on her often, and she answered with a resounding "YES!" The cashier responded by saying, "Do you know what my brother did to me one time? He told me I was adopted, and he let me believe it for a long time. I was so upset, I cried and cried."
 
As soon as she made the comment, I started thinking about the opportunity it presented for me to educate, to have a short, friendly conversation about positive adoption language with the cashier when it was our turn to pay. I didn't have time to finish that thought, though, because my little boy took the reins. Though he had been completely engrossed in his Batman book, he had heard the conversation. I don't think he understood the full context, but he understood and recognized the word "adopted." He spoke up, saying loud and clear, "Adopted is good, I'm adopted! Adopted means important!"
 
All of a sudden, the troubles of the day were washed away. Despite all the things I felt had gone wrong that day, something must be going right. My son showed such confidence and pride in not only talking about adoption, but in being adopted himself. The cashier and the family in front of us all looked at him with beaming smiles on their faces, and my heart swelled with joy, and pride in my son. Having said what he needed to say, Max went back to reading his book. And it was the perfect end to a less-than-perfect day.


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14 Comments

I once had a similar experience as a child. Rest assured that he is reguritating information and not having some resounding insight or epiphany. it does not speak to your influence as much as it does your language and culture around the mechanics of adoption. He has not yet had time to engage higher thinking and critical analysis of his exact circumstance. While it is a truly endearing story, it is not indicitive of any self-acceptance or strong attachment. The questions will still come. The desire to know where one comes from doesnt go away. The feeling of initial rejection and lack of immediate postnatal imprinting will have effects on him throughout his life. Get him some therapy now and medicate him as soon as it is medically and psychosocially needed. You will thank me for it.

By puck345 on Saturday, March 15, 2014 at 10:21 am.

Puck345,

Thank you for your feedback. We are all entitled to our own views and opinions.

By Maximilian's Mommy on Tuesday, March 18, 2014 at 10:14 am.

Puck345, every time I come across one of your comments I’m more and more horrified. Go far, far, away. Your negativity is not welcome here.

By toinfinityandbiond on Monday, March 24, 2014 at 12:19 pm.

toinfinityandbiond

I realize that it may be the unpopular opinion and I’m sorry that I offended you.  I am not against adoption by any means.  It was the best thing that happened to me.  I found some information on my birth mother and it was truly a sad tale.  I declined to meet her because I work for the government and having associations with convicted felons could put my job in jeopardy.  I am merely trying to get some awareness to the adoptive parent community about the fact that no amount of love and nurturing can change the fact that it is hard to grow up as an adopted child.  You are different.  Difference is good, we think.  It’s a very cute story and I wish Maximillian’s Mommy all the luck in the world with her son.  Just be aware that there are many psychological and psychosocial effects that are not in anyone’s control.  Being keenly aware of these can greatly reduce emotional suffering on the adopted child.
I grew up in an odd circumstance where every single one of my best friends from preschool through high school were the same group of adopted children.  Quite unique and you would think that that would be a great support system.  It was actually an amazing micro-study on the social and psychological effects of adoption. Out of 7 adopted children, who I knew very well and knew their parents very well (we all grew up in the same church family) 1 of us has what society values as a normal, productive life.  The remaining 6 of us have all had major struggles with psychological disorders.  I am not a statistics expert but that tells me something.  If I take a random selection of schoolmates who were not adopted and I also knew very well, the majority of them have a normal life without any predisposition to emotional problems.  That is my experience. I just want all the adoptive parents to remember that adopting a child isn’t about YOU.

By puck345 on Monday, March 24, 2014 at 9:55 pm.
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Maximilian's Mommy

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