Same Birth Mother, Vastly Different Feelings About Adoption
I am a birthmother who gave my newborn daughter in a closed adoption in 1964. Gaby wrote: “She is a compassionate little soul who worries…...
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Adoption Blog: Our Family Grows With Love
“Adopted Means Important!”
Filed Under: Adoption Conversations
It had been one of those days. Nothing horribly dramatic had happened, but several little annoyances piled up so that, by the end of the day, I was ready to scream.
I rushed through my morning routine as quickly as I could, and out the door to the garage. That's when I realized I had forgotten it was trash collection day. This wouldn't matter, but for the fact that there is only tiny window of time in which I can back out of our garage and get down the alley to the street before being blocked in by the garbage truck. I didn't make that window, so I had to wait it out.
When I got to work, the fun times continued to roll. Everything was taking twice as long as it should, and it felt like everything I touched turned out wrong. I was swamped with work, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I couldn't wait for the end of the day. When it finally arrived, I missed that second magic window and had to stop behind every school bus in Ohio on the way to pick up my son at his day care.
Once my son and I were finally on our way home, he asked if we could stop at the store so he could buy a book. I desperately did not want to stop at the store, but that's when I remembered that I had planned to go there on my lunch break for a few necessary items. A meeting that ran over had eaten up that time, so we had to stop.
We quickly moved through the store and I grabbed the few items I needed. We stopped at the book section for Max to pick something out. He chose a Batman book, and his nose was buried in it as we made our way to the front to pay. As we waited in line, the cashier started making small talk with the family in front of us. As they chatted, the boy started to pick on his sister. The cashier asked the girl if her brother picked on her often, and she answered with a resounding "YES!" The cashier responded by saying, "Do you know what my brother did to me one time? He told me I was adopted, and he let me believe it for a long time. I was so upset, I cried and cried."
As soon as she made the comment, I started thinking about the opportunity it presented for me to educate, to have a short, friendly conversation about positive adoption language with the cashier when it was our turn to pay. I didn't have time to finish that thought, though, because my little boy took the reins. Though he had been completely engrossed in his Batman book, he had heard the conversation. I don't think he understood the full context, but he understood and recognized the word "adopted." He spoke up, saying loud and clear, "Adopted is good, I'm adopted! Adopted means important!"
All of a sudden, the troubles of the day were washed away. Despite all the things I felt had gone wrong that day, something must be going right. My son showed such confidence and pride in not only talking about adoption, but in being adopted himself. The cashier and the family in front of us all looked at him with beaming smiles on their faces, and my heart swelled with joy, and pride in my son. Having said what he needed to say, Max went back to reading his book. And it was the perfect end to a less-than-perfect day.
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14 Comments
Shows that you’ve done a great job educating him about his adoption!
What a great post! I was reading along thinking, “oh, goodness, how would I handle that because I would have to say something”... Good for Max! And good for you!
That brought tears to my eyes! You obviously have done a great job.
wow, that’s awesome. that would make me so happy.
Great Job dear. Not everyone can do this. Keep Going!
This brought tears to my eyes also. Thanks so much for sharing!!
Love it! Great story!
Really appreciate your work. Not every parents do that. Keep going like this.
Love this! You obviously have an incredible and positive influence.
Rami Amaro
Amaro Law Office
Thank you all so much for the feedback and kind words!
He makes me so incredibly proud every single day. I love that he is an adoption advocate already. 