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Adoption Blog: Raising a Rainbow

Are We Ready for a Third Child?



A few weeks before we finalized our second daughter’s adoption, our social worker gave us a packet of paperwork, most of it pertaining to the finalization. Then we read a letter, one asking us to choose and verify what we wished to do next: to close our adoption file or to continue paying fees and submitting to the state’s and the agency’s requirements to keep our file open. What would be right for our family?

In our state, there is a required 12-month waiting period between placements, and for us that means that we cannot accept another child until December. We do not intend at this point to pursue another adoption this year. Two babies (well, a toddler and an infant) keep us busy. However, the idea of signing an agreement to close our adoption file at this time is greatly bothering me. As I’ve shared with readers, my heart is heavy for the children waiting in foster care, and to think that I'm letting those kids wait while I continue to live my life happily, well, it’s almost unbearable.

A recent conversation with a friend of mine, one who has two biological children and is now an active foster parent, yielded some comfort. She said that perhaps this just isn't our season to adopt from foster care. Maybe, as she put it, we’re just "premature." Despite being rather self-assured in most situations, a self-proclaimed type-A lady, determined and decisive, I'm greatly struggling with the seemingly finality of signing an agreement with our agency regarding our adoption file.  

I must remind myself that the downtime between adoptions can be a remarkable blessing—a time for self-education and maturing. We can use this time to meet with foster families, to read books, and to enjoy this all-too-quick babyhood season with our two lovely daughters. 

At the most random of times, when I find myself caught up in personal adoption dilemmas and convictions, this often-quoted prayer from the Bible, “Give us this day our daily bread,” pops into my mind.   

I asked my husband the other day, “What do you think life will look like for us 10 years from now?” His response was, “Our oldest will be 13 years old!” While my mind was postulating what more children might mean for our family, my husband, wisely, was thinking about the children we already have and the fact that they will grow up so quickly!     

Sometimes I get so caught up in possibilities, daydreams, and fears that I forget to live in the moment instead of in the future. 

So I remind myself to take a deep breath and live one day and one decision at a time. I’m determined to focus on my daily bread. And yes, there very well may be, I hope, more children who will join our family, but I know, deep down, it’s not yet our time to say “yes.”  


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4 Comments

Deep down, I believe you are right.  For now, Cherish the two you have now, and maybe when the oldest gets into school, ask the question again.  I’ve read that it’s considered optimal if the kids are 4 years apart.  Set a good example as an adoptive parent, and you will probably encourage others to adopt the waiting kids.

By tn grandma on Friday, August 19, 2011 at 3:41 pm.

Moving from 2 to 3 is really hard, on so many levels. We love having 3 kids, but the demanding reality of it burst my bubble about how great it would be to raise 4! If you’re not sure right now, it’s wise to wait. A paper file can always be cracked open again down the road.

By Sharon Van Epps on Saturday, August 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm.

If you are 2nd guessing, then you need to remain “open.” I have 8 adopted children and most people think I’m crazy, but it’s what we do. It’s where we choose to devote our energy. If you have a heart for adoption, then you probably always will. There’s no harm in keeping your options open. What seems like a lot right now, may soon settle into place and you’ll adjust to your new “normal.”

By momof10 on Tuesday, October 04, 2011 at 4:14 pm.

It IS hard to wait…we have adopted two through foster care, but in our case, both came to us at birth…so, while they face issues regarding exposure to drugs in utero…they have had the best nutrition and environment we could possibly give them…we are incredibly blessed…but, my heart is aching for more…from all I know…we need to wait until our kids are older and then we can consider fostering one or two younger than our children. But, primarily…our calling is the children God has given us NOW. THESE are the ones we are held responsible for in His eyes…He chose *us* to parent them through…and we need to remember that first! Hard? Yes…But, for us, anyway…best.

By Mamaagain on Monday, March 11, 2013 at 1:56 am.

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mamaof2browngirls

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