Are We Ready for a Third Child?

Posted by mamaof2browngirls to Raising a Rainbow 1 year, 9 months ago | 4 Comments | Post a reply

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A few weeks before we finalized our second daughter’s adoption, our social worker gave us a packet of paperwork, most of it pertaining to the finalization. Then we read a letter, one asking us to choose and verify what we wished to do next: to close our adoption file or to continue paying fees and submitting to the state’s and the agency’s requirements to keep our file open. What would be right for our family?

In our state, there is a required 12-month waiting period between placements, and for us that means that we cannot accept another child until December. We do not intend at this point to pursue another adoption this year. Two babies (well, a toddler and an infant) keep us busy. However, the idea of signing an agreement to close our adoption file at this time is greatly bothering me. As I’ve shared with readers, my heart is heavy for the children waiting in foster care, and to think that I'm letting those kids wait while I continue to live my life happily, well, it’s almost unbearable.

A recent conversation with a friend of mine, one who has two biological children and is now an active foster parent, yielded some comfort. She said that perhaps this just isn't our season to adopt from foster care. Maybe, as she put it, we’re just "premature." Despite being rather self-assured in most situations, a self-proclaimed type-A lady, determined and decisive, I'm greatly struggling with the seemingly finality of signing an agreement with our agency regarding our adoption file.  

I must remind myself that the downtime between adoptions can be a remarkable blessing—a time for self-education and maturing. We can use this time to meet with foster families, to read books, and to enjoy this all-too-quick babyhood season with our two lovely daughters. 

At the most random of times, when I find myself caught up in personal adoption dilemmas and convictions, this often-quoted prayer from the Bible, “Give us this day our daily bread,” pops into my mind.   

I asked my husband the other day, “What do you think life will look like for us 10 years from now?” His response was, “Our oldest will be 13 years old!” While my mind was postulating what more children might mean for our family, my husband, wisely, was thinking about the children we already have and the fact that they will grow up so quickly!     

Sometimes I get so caught up in possibilities, daydreams, and fears that I forget to live in the moment instead of in the future. 

So I remind myself to take a deep breath and live one day and one decision at a time. I’m determined to focus on my daily bread. And yes, there very well may be, I hope, more children who will join our family, but I know, deep down, it’s not yet our time to say “yes.”  

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