Many families here are used to getting intrusive questions, especially if you adopted transracially. I know my family has over the years since adopting from Ethiopia.
Recently, I saw a post written by a friend on Facebook sharing his experience, and I thought it was really powerful. I received permission to share it here with this community. My friend is part of a same-sex couple who adopted three African-American children domestically through the foster care system.
++++++++++++++
I'm not naive to the fact that our family is unique. I know that when we go out in public people often stare and try to figure us out. Some people ask questions...often in front of our kids, including:
Are they yours?
Where's Mom?
Are they siblings? Like, real siblings?
Are they all related?
Are either of you their real dad? (Yes, really)
Guys’ night out with the kids? Lucky mom.
Are you two brothers?
What country did they come from?
Where did you get them?
Did your wife do their hair for you?
Where are your wives?
Are they triplets? (Yes, really)
While I know that we are different, I don't understand why any of the above matters or why strangers need to know the answers. I try not to be harsh in my response, and often try to use these moments to educate people and my kids. But these are my babies. And they are listening.
On the flip side, we often get the opposite. We cherish these moments.
What a beautiful family.
Good for you all!
My heart is smiling.
You guys have your hands full!
I just want to hug you all!
Your family is love.
You all are so brave and I'm so proud.
Your dads are awesome.
One woman in a restaurant literally brought me to tears when she said: "Your beautiful family is what we've all been fighting for." This was a highlight of my life.
My request is simple.
Open your mind and heart before you open your mouth. My children are listening, but, more importantly, so are yours. I can give my kids the armor to protect them from these moments, but you can't.
Love makes a family.
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2 Comments
The nicest blog I’ve read so far! This is going to change the mentality of people, their way of seeing others and the hatred towards the inter-racial people. You made me emotional through this blog. Surely people need to change their mindset. No matter what you look like, people don’t have the right to judge you. Not everybody should be checked through the appearance. Color is not the secret that binds human being together. It’s the love and trust that makes people connect or bind with each other. Anyways, you got some compliment for your family, this is truly appreciated and encouraging.
Thanks so much for your kind comment Stuart,
I appreciate the affirmation which I will share with my friend whose words I shared. I agree we shouldn’t judge and we should look for connection instead.
And knowing this post encouraged you made my day!
E