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Adoption Blog: Improv Mom

Mommy Friends

When I first became a mother, and a stay-at-home one to boot, I expected many things in my life to change, like my REM sleep and personal hygiene. But never did it cross my mind that being home with my baby would make me feel so damn lonely.
Beth was born in February and, come springtime, when we were first able to venture out, I was on a mission -- to meet and befriend other mommies. Turns out I didn't have to go far.
Driving down my street, I noticed "Welcome Baby Boy" balloons at my neighbor Cindy's house. Up until this point, our neighborly relationship consisted of waving to each other as I rounded the bend by her home. But now, as an isolated and somewhat desperate new mom, I was more than intrigued. First of all, did I mention I was desperate? Second, I didn't recall seeing a pregnant Cindy, and when I caught a passing glimpse of her with her son, he looked to me like he was at least a year old. Could it be he was adopted, too?
When I got home I wrote a little note -- do I mention adoption? Do I not mention adoption? In the end, it felt weird to mention it, so I simply said, "We both have babies, let's get together!" And we did. And it turned out her son was adopted, from Russia. Our friendship blossomed instantly. Mommy friend count: 1.
Next I headed off to the local library -- jackpot. This was the place for new mommies to meet since it offers lots of baby-and-me type of classes. Happily, we were all lonely and desperate, so we became friends by default. It felt great to have people to call for play dates, which consisted of sitting in a circle and talking, the babies sitting in our laps. Mommy friend count: 5.
As Beth grew, my opportunity to widen my circle of mommy friends grew as well. I met mommy friends through other mommy friends, plus a whole bunch at preschool. Mommy friend count: 9-plus.
My adoptive mommy friend count grew as well, by one. It's funny, but I always thought I would have to make a concerted effort to meet these moms, ask my social worker who did our home study about adoptive parent groups, search the Internet, do some research. Who knew all it would take was a little desperation on my part to make these connections?
I have to say that my closest circle of mommy friends includes these two women. Yes, we have adoption in common, and I love, value, and am grateful to have this special bond for myself and the kids, but it goes much deeper than that. These are the women who can help me shake off those mornings that leave me reeling, asking if I was really cut out for this parenting crap. These are the women who get my jokes, and, in turn, make me laugh. These are the women who offer fresh and interesting perspectives on a range of topics far beyond toilet training and time-outs. These are the women who are not only mommy friends, but are mommy's friends.
Where, oh where would I be without them?
Probably hunkered down deep in the closet amidst the pile of playthings I stash away to see if Beth misses them before they disappear for good. A very dark, foreboding place, indeed.

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Finding mommy friends seems so daunting for me!  I am a stay at home mom and I know there are other moms like me out there but they seem to be hiding!  At least I know there are others out there who have had the same trouble and that success is possible.  I am going to take a run at some of your suggestions, thank you.

By imagine3399 on Wednesday, March 20, 2013 at 3:31 pm.

Oh those winter months…not the best time to meet people. It is supposed to warm up one of these ole March days though, and I’m sure like spring flowers, new mommies will be popping up everywhere, especially at the library.

By Barbara Herel on Wednesday, March 20, 2013 at 3:48 pm.

When my son was a toddler, I joined a few mom-tot groups.  One fun group that is most memorable is the indoor swim groups that some of the YMCAs offer.  You do not release your child to swim, but do water exercises together along with other moms and tots in the same age group.  The sooner your child gets in the water, the better.  My son had little fear of the water, and later he and his sister became strong swimmers. This passes those long winter early spring chill days.

By Forever Mom Of 2 Beautiful Children on Sunday, March 31, 2013 at 1:58 am.

The Y! (“Y” for “Yes!) Great suggestion.

By Barbara Herel on Wednesday, April 03, 2013 at 9:26 pm.

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Barbara Herel

Barbara Herel

New York

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