Barbara, Like Sadie, I feel like an ambassador for open adoption. My husband Jeff was adopted in 1963 and we adopted a domestic newborn in…...
Share all your shots that capture the seasonal spirit!
School Days Photo Contest
Meet the winner, Maya (8, India), and the finalists.
AF Cover Photo Contest
Meet the winner, Bruno (4, U.S.) and the finalists.
Summer Fun Photos Contest
Meet the winners, Halle, Payton, Sofia, and Parker, and the finalists.
Adoption Blog: My Paperwork Pregnancies
She’s Healthy. That’s All You Need to Know
For someone waiting to adopt, one of the happiest times is when they get “The Call” about their potential new child.
They may get a picture of their child or hear about the potential birthmother’s pregnancy. As exciting as this information is, I highly recommend censoring it for loved ones.
Whatever information you share is impossible to take back. “The Birthmother has three other children.” “Her birth name is Elena.” “He lived with his grandmother prior to the Children’s Home.” “There are a couple of potential birthfathers so we aren’t entirely sure what race he could be.”
These comments may seem innocent when you are talking about your adoption to your family and friends. However, even though you may not remember mentioning these facts, people will remember them and could bring them up in front of your child.
Your mother may wonder if your son is throwing tantrums due to his age or because he is the result of rape. An uncle could question if your daughter’s learning disabilities stem from her birthmother abusing alcohol. Your friend could ask you in front of your son if you have pictures of his “other sister.”
These are all situations that you can easily avoid. I learned this the hard way after our first adoption. Paul and I were so excited to share all the details of Keith’s adoption and never thought anything was wrong with it. Once he was born, though, we became protective of his adoption story and immediately regretted sharing information. He was born in 2002 and people still mention personal information about his adoption.
Before our second adoption, Paul and I discussed in great detail what information we were willing to share and to whom. We are positive it was painful for our loved ones not have answers from us this time around. We had the same answer to every single question regarding our daughter. It was, “She’s healthy. That’s all you need to know.” I’d like to think that people ended up respecting us for protecting our daughter and her personal information. It was much easier to keep tight-lipped for our third adoption. We learned that, in the long run, keeping quiet is the best decision.
Personal relationships with other adoptive parents (who respected the privacy of our adoption information) helped us in many tough situations when we didn’t want to involve our loved ones for fear of them learning too much about our child’s adoption.
We will share this personal information with our children over time. It should be our decision as parents when share information. By censoring ourselves after “The Call,” we eliminated the possibility that our children’s personal information be discussed at inappropriate times. That information is for our children and, if they choose to ever share it, then that will be their decision.
Related Posts on AdoptiveFamiliesCircle
We have recently changed our commenting system to improve the experience for our users. may be found here.
Please post new comments below.
Meet the Author
I have recently adopted or am adopting from...
U.S. Newborn, U.S. Newborn
- October 2013
- July 2013
- April 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- July 2012
- April 2012
- February 2012
- December 2011
- October 2011
- August 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
Recent Adoption Blog Comments
I have not meet with my son´s BF but I have a couple of photos and he looks so much like her (and nothing like…...
I found the other site a week or so ago and was wondering about it. Now I know! ...
Thanks for sharing article ....i have read many blogs on open adoption and found that people are not much happy with open adoption. ...
Thank you for sharing your story. I have spent the last year and a half creating hair tutorial videos for parents of African American and…...
Thanks, Barb, what a unique story. I also liked what Sadie had to say about nature vs nurture: “There is something to this nature thing!”…...