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Adoption Blog: Painting the Nursery

Our Boy Is Our Joy

We Always Knew Adopting Would Make Us Happy…

But We Didn’t Know How Much!

Recently people have been posting quotes on Facebook about their children, like the following from Maureen Hawkins:

"Before you were conceived I wanted you,
  Before you were born I loved you,
  Before you were here an hour I would give my life for you.
  This is the miracle of life."

Being a proud adoptive mother, I decided to post a quote from Fleur Conkling Heyliger, which someone shared with me at my son Miles‘s bris:

"Not flesh of my flesh
  Nor bone of my bone,
  But still miraculously
  My own.
  Never forget for a single minute
  You didn’t grow under my heart,
But in it."

I think it does a perfect job of expressing the way I feel about him. Throughout our infertility battles and two failed adoption matches, I questioned whether we could or should continue to live as a childless couple. We had lived together for so long, and been married without kids for a while longer than most of our friends and family, that I thought,  perhaps, that was the way things would stay. But we kept having the discussions we started prior to getting married, toying with baby names, and thinking of what a great set of parents we would be—especially given how solid our marriage has always been.

When Miles entered our lives three months ago, we were overwhelmed with emotions. We looked at him and said to each other that we couldn’t have loved him any more if we had "made him ourselves," and believed that he was perfect.  We even joked that the other two prior adoption matches that fell through were really just dress rehearsals for this child, who was meant to be ours. What I didn’t realize was exactly how much happiness he would give us.

His smile melts our hearts and fills us with love.  When he cuddles with us, we know this is what we are meant to be doing with our lives at this time.  We even giggle like children at his peeing fountain, spit-ups, and poops, especially when they happen immediately after we put a clean new diaper or onesie on him.  On the other side of the emotional spectrum, when he cries (which is not very often), we sometimes cry, too. We always want to meet his needs,  and be there to comfort him, and it frustrates us when he is not as happy as he normally is. Miles is so mellow, he can just sit in his bouncy chair and watch us eat, or watch TV with us when we all just need a moment’s relaxation.

Yesterday we took him out to lunch, where he proceeded to fall asleep allowing us to eat at a very leisurely pace. Then we went food shopping and he was so excited—maybe he felt my enthusiasm for the Buy-One-Get-Two-Free sales the supermarket was having.  He was smiling and cooing and squealing with delight as we raced up and down the aisles with him in his stroller and my husband with the shopping cart.  I know the other shoppers thought we were nuts with how we were laughing and talking with him. We didn’t care. He was so much fun that we traded (me with the shopping cart and my husband with Miles’s stroller) halfway through the store so my husband could appreciate his smiles as much as I had.  As soon as we loaded the car with him and the groceries, he fell asleep and napped for hours even after we got him home.

Everyone told us that having a baby would change our lives. We said, "We know, and we are ready for that change." What we didn’t know was how much our boy would be our joy.

Tags: infant adoption, parenting

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Thank you so much for this. We too have battled infertility and had 2 failed matches. We are now on our third and hoping and praying our wait is over. I am so glad you wrote how you felt whether you should just stay childless or continue your journey, and how happy you are you did. We have felt that so much, and its so good to hear a story like yours, an inspiration and a reason to keep on track. Thanks for sharing!!!

By Dlee on Thursday, November 18, 2010 at 7:02 pm.

I loved reading this! Thank your for sharing. We are getting ready to start the process of our baby adoption after many years of talking about it. We are SO excited but SO nervous too. Maybe its nervous excitement. I just know the baby that is meant for us will make his or her way to us and he or she will bring us SO MUCH joy as Miles has brought you! I can’t wait!

By livlife on Tuesday, August 12, 2014 at 12:11 am.

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Renee Hoyt

Renee Hoyt


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