Moving Past “Adoption Firsts” With Our Older Adopted Son

Second Verse, Same as the First

For a week before the big day, our youngest had been competing for our ear. He couldn’t wait for track and field day at school and didn’t miss an opportunity to tell us about it. Last year he had a ball, and he just knew this year would be just as good. He had chosen which events he would participate in and had been practicing with his buddies every day at recess. In the third grade, track and field day is the big time.

This year he knew exactly what to do. He knew where the events took place. He knew that lunch was picnic style with your family behind the school. He knew that everyone would play kickball after lunch. He knew that the award ceremony would come later in the day. He knew my husband and I would take the day off to cheer him on all day long. He knew, he knew, he knew….

Sometimes we take for granted how many unknowns he has been through in his short life. The predictability of this coming year means that we are answering fewer and fewer questions on a daily basis. It means that he is more comfortable in the routine of our lives together as a family. It means more confidence for our son.

But it also means that we have to remember how things happened last year. Sometimes it is easy; the traditions of the school’s track and field day are easy to reproduce. But the fact that we went out for dinner on the last day of school last year had completely slipped my mind. “But we always go out to eat on the last day of school,” he tells me. Hmmm… I suppose we have always gone out to dinner in his mind if we went out last year. Trying to navigate what just happened to take place and what is indeed a tradition is becoming our new thing. I suppose there are still questions—they just take a different shape this time around.

Things do indeed change over time. What differences have you noticed in your older adopted children as they get through their first year (or years) home?

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