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Adoption Blog: Two Brides, One Adoption Story

Finalizing Our Adoption…Finally!

Life has been nonstop around here since our adoption finalization took place in Surrogate's Court in downtown New York City.

Though the day was one of the coldest this winter, it was amazing. And after so much waiting—and waiting—there were a few more hours to get through, but then, in the end, the whole thing only took about 10 minutes, including the picture taking.

First, my wife, Nadia; Baby Jay; and I, along with our group of supportive family and friends, were escorted up to a beautiful waiting room where other couples who were also finalizing their adoptions greeted us. We found out we were going to be the last family on the docket that day, but the time passed relatively quickly because we were on such an emotional high. When it was our turn to go, we all—my father, Baby Jay’s godmother, two of his stalwart playmates and their moms, the executive director of our adoption agency, and, of course, my attorney—proceeded into the judge's chambers.

The judge, who was so supportive and had a wry sense of humor, was tickled that two of Baby Jay's friends, who were also born in 2010, came along, and she said that was the first time she had two other babies witness an adoption signing. The fact that Baby Jay had so many people there to support him was a good sign of things to come, she added.

Then she asked routine questions like: How much did we pay our attorney? How did we find her? Have our life circumstances changed since we brought Jay home?

"Next is the fun part of my job," she said after we answered all of her questions satisfactorily. "Do you all solemnly swear that this is a good idea—that Nadia and Eva should be Baby Jay's parents? And that this should be forever?"

"Yes!" we all cried in unison, raising our hands and swearing that this was meant to be.

"By the power vested in me, I declare it so," she said.

I thought I was going to cry but I didn't; it seemed as if it was over before it began.

All that remained was a final paper signing, followed by a celebration over lunch. In all, the day was brief but magical.

Even though I didn't cry at the signing, I've definitely cried since. I've cried for all of my trying to conceive (TTC) failures and for all of the feelings of inadequacy and loss that I carried for so long. Many of those feelings have faded since Baby Jay came into our lives and seem more distant with this finalization, though I do sometimes feel a jolt in my gut when I hear that someone is pregnant or when someone extols on the wonders of breastfeeding. The difference is that the punched-in-the-gut feeling passes much more quickly now. In a flash, I remember that I'm Jay's mom and that it—life—is OK. What a relief.

I've also cried about happy things. Baby Jay—with his smile, laughter, and playful eyes—is a perfect little soul, an incredible blessing. Nadia and I adore him beyond measure. When we first brought him home, many people said that he was lucky to have been adopted by such a wonderful couple because we saved him from "his life circumstances," but the fact of the matter is that we are the lucky ones. He saved me from living with those feelings of inadequacy and loss forever and has filled my life with boundless hope and joy. Dreams do come true.

Any day now, I should get the official paperwork from the state of New York. Yippee!

Related Posts on AdoptiveFamiliesCircle


Congrats! We’re all so happy for you smile

By AFCommunityEditor on Monday, January 24, 2011 at 9:34 pm.

Congratulations Eva!!

By Jeff on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 2:55 am.

Congratulations to all three of you!

By Meghan on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 4:35 am.


By Sharon Van Epps on Wednesday, January 26, 2011 at 7:00 am.

What a wonderful description of such a happy event!  Congrats!

By Danielle Pennel on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 1:28 am.

Congratulations! (typing this w/tears in my eyes)

By holls on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 7:45 am.

All the best!

By shazza0916 on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 10:47 pm.

That is wonderful.  Congratulations on your new family…..God Bless!

By JennyP on Friday, January 28, 2011 at 4:40 am.

How appropriate that this article was sent through the AF e-mail when just this week our adoption ob baby jj became final. I was telling a friend yesterday that I think I will realize the full impact of all of this in stages. I cried when we found out…out of sheer joy but also out of relief. You hit the nail on the head for me on one of the emotions I have felt since jj’s birth when you said, “but the fact of the matter is that we are the lucky ones. He saved me from living with those feelings of inadequacy and loss forever and has filled my life with boundless hope and joy. Dreams do come true.” Tears sprung to my eyes as I read that because it put into words something that I felt but could not adequately express. Thanks for a heart warming article.

By jjsmom on Friday, January 28, 2011 at 7:50 pm.

My husband and I just welcomed home our son born on 1/12/11. It’s been a matter of weeks. To read your story about what’s to come, brings such peace to my heart. Congratulations and thank you for sharing!

By ahappymama on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 11:24 am.
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