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Adoption Blog: Our Family Grows With Love

Two Generations of Adoptive Families



Max

We are a family of three—wow! I still can't believe I have the honor of saying that. Let me introduce you to my little corner of the world, my soft place to land: my family.

I am Sharon, wife to Mike and mother to Maximilian (Max). I am a first-time mommy who works full time outside of the home (cue the overwhelming sense of mommy guilt) and who is still trying to find the best way to balance it all.

Mike is my amazing husband of nearly 10 years, the pillar of strength for our family, who works incredibly hard every day to provide for us. He and I are complete opposites, yet we just fit.

And then there is Max, who, at 18 months old, is our whole world. He holds both our hearts in his tiny, perfect little hand. He has energy that could fill the oceans. He is curious and loves to explore and learn new things. He loves music and dancing, and above all else he loves playing hide and seek, which really amounts to him running away from us to hide in the same spot in the kitchen every single time, as we loudly and energetically wonder aloud where he could have possibly gone, only for him to give away his location with his sweet little boy giggles, which are just priceless!

When he looks at us with those big, round, beautiful brown eyes, his innocent little face turned up to us, his chubby little cheeks (the only part of his face that still gives him the “baby” look), and his beautiful brown hair wild on his head from running and playing, I am still amazed that he is ours, he has made us a forever family. A family born of love.

I am not only an adoptive mother, I am an adopted child. I tell people that adoption has given me the best gifts of my life: Adoption made me my mother’s daughter and my son’s mother. There is no greater gift.


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9 Comments

It is always heartening to hear an adoptee who feels that adoption added enough to her life that she chose to build her family that way. Do you have openness in either generation with birth family.

By mpbslp on Monday, June 13, 2011 at 11:54 pm.

I am also an adopted person and an adoptive mom to 6 amazing kids!  It gives me an interesting perspective on adoption as I know two sides of the triad.  I am also a reunited adoptee.  I cannot say my reunion was like you would see on Oprah or even the newer reunion shows.  But it was still the best thing I ever did for ME.  I am much more the child of my real parents, those I grew up with.  I have their mannerisms, values, love of the ocean and sense of humor!  Finding my b/parents only made me realize how very lucky I am.  Because of my closed adoption and the hard search I had to go through, we decided to keep our adoptions open, and it’s worked out well for our family.

By elmore6 on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 12:58 am.

Thank you both for your comments!

In terms of do we have an open relationship in either generation with our birth families…We do with my son’s birth family, and this is something that is very important to our family. It is something we work very hard at maintaining and nurturing, and something we value you very much. We truly believe that this relationship being open is what is the best for our son. We value his birth family very much, and what they bring to his life. We are so fortunate to have a wonderful birth family to share in our son;s life.

My adoption was very different than my son’s. I wasn’t adopted untl the age of 4, and it was a foster to adopt situation after my siblings and I had been removed from the home of our birth family. At the time we were adopted, adoptions were very different, the open relationships so many have now didn’t really happen. So we didn’t know our birth family growing up (we did have contact with siblings which was our adoptive families encouraged, we were so fortunate to have that). We did meet our birth mother later in life, as well as some siblings we had not previously known. Our birth father passed before we met him. We had a few meetings with our birth mother, but nothing to speak of in terms of an ongoing relationship. Because of the way our relationship worked out with our birth family it was important to me to make a different life story for my son, doing as much as was in my control to maintain some contact (so long as it is healthy for all involved) with his birth family. I know he will have questions some day that we can’t answer and I want him to be able to find his answers. So far the relationship withour son’s birth family has been very rewarding and we hope it continues that way!

By Maximilian's Mommy on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 3:40 am.

I am Sharon’s sister.  Thanks to both Sharon’s parents and my parents we were able to keep in contact, even though we were adopted by two different families. 

I just want to say how proud of you I am Sharon, and what a beautiful life you have created with Max, and Mike.

I am so thankful for Max’s birth family, giving you such a precious gift, a gift that you waited so long for.  The love that you have for Max shows through in everything that you do, Max could not have asked for a better Mommy.

Love you

By dml2674 on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 4:08 am.

We do have open relationships, but we do not maintain them, or even encourage them. They are our children’s stories, their birth-families, and their right to decide, in time, what they want or don’t want.  For many adopted people the fact that so much control was taken away can be a hard fact to cope with.  We want our children to make the decisions along with their b/families.  It’s really not up to us to take away more control from our children.  So, we keep the lines of communication open so when the time comes, it’s all set and none have to go through a search as I did.  For our older children it is 100% up to them.  One enjoys knowing about his b/family but has not reached out to them. Another keeps in touch via facebook and email often, and still another wants nothing to do with it just yet.  Our younger children have all identifying info such as where they live, full names, and pictures.  Each family will decide on the degree of how much to keep open or closed based on what the families needs and comfort level is.  There is no right or wrong.  I do think having a parent who is also an adopted person puts a different spin on it though smile

By elmore6 on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 4:51 am.

Welcome Sharon,

I look forward to hearing more of your family’s story and getting your perspective both as an adoptee and adoptive parent. 

Best,

E

By Ellenore Angelidis on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 7:08 am.

Welcome, Sharon! I love to hear stories from adult adoptees and their wisdom into adoption from that perspective. I look forward to more from you.

Gaby

By Gaby on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 4:39 am.

Hi Sharon, welcome!

It’s funny you mentioned hide and seek, as that’s Manu’s favorite game too, and like Max, he always hides in the same place, lol.

I look forward to reading more about your family!

Jeff

By Jeff on Friday, June 17, 2011 at 10:00 pm.

Thank you for your input Elmore6. I am always pleased to hear how other adoptive families manage open relationships with birth families. I am so appreciative of your input; it helps us sort through how we want to handle our open adoption relationship.

Ellenore, thank you for the warm welcome! I hope that my experiences as an adoptee, and an adoptive mother proves helpful to others.

Gaby, thank you as well for the warm welcome! I do feel that my experience as an adoptee gives me a different perspective and I hope it is helpful to others.

Jeff, how great that your Manu loves to play hide and seek as well and even better that he hides in the same spot every time as well. Such great memories we are making with our kids!

By Maximilian's Mommy on Wednesday, June 22, 2011 at 7:17 pm.

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Maximilian's Mommy

Maximilian's Mommy



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